Tail spin

Hi-ya loyal stalkers.  I am sorry you haven't heard from me.  I have been in a horrible funk.  I will be blaming it on a REALLY bad case of pms.  My life has been in a tail spin, if you will...

I had a serious melt down at work 2 weeks ago that subsequently led to me doing a MAJOR rant on facebook.  That led to someone who either works with me, is related to someone who works with me or is a customer here to tell one of the owners.  And THAT person (whom I have made my lifes mission to keep at arms length because they are the most selfish person I know & have stabbed me in the back on NUMEROUS occasions) ratted me out to my boss.  SIGH.  Another dagger to the heart.  SHOCKING.

I was ready to QUIT.  Like no joke.  I even put my application in at another location.  One of my co-workers called me last weekend to talk me off the ledge some sense into me.  I appreciated that because they were the only one that did...  I was beyond livid.  I have calmed down (some) & am trying to make the best of a bad situation.    But I also decided that it wasn't fair for me to put those people that know me AND the place I work for in such a bad spot, so I deleted them all off facebook.  So-if you are a blog stalker & I deleted you on fb, I am sorry.  I was super pissed & don't want you to have to choose between us.  Because if I lose, that pisses me off even more.

B-rad is still busy with harvest.  Our crops are crap just as we suspected so thats been fun... 

Here's a funny story for you.  I've told you before I'm directionally challenged.  Like I need to go over landmarks with you if you're telling me how to get somewhere.  B-rad has to do this for me when he tells me to come to a field.  I will say, "Ok-that field is where x,y,z, right?"  He called me Friday night to pick him & our nephew, Cole, up somewhere I've never been to before.  He didn't have good cell phone service & he was talking fast & loud but kept cutting out. He kept saying, "Go to Depauw!"  UHM-I couldn't remember which way it was to Depauw.   Listen, people-we live on the back roads & there are like 9000 ways to get places.  I couldn't ask him, "Which way is it to Depauw?" because like I said, he was loud, fast & intermittent.  (A man can free fall from SPACE & live to tell the tale but cell phone service is not good in some places?  Blasphemy!)   I could tell he wasn't in the mood to give me a direction lesson.  Sigh.

So, I left our house in his big, huge diesel pick up truck that I DON'T drive to get them.  It was dark & no lie, I got lost 4 times.  FOUR.  Cell service was sketchy so using my super cool iPhone was not an option.  Plus, the pesky field doesn't have an ACTUAL address for me to look up.  I couldn't very well ask Siri, "Hey, take me to the Davis field."  

Thank GOD B-rad is not as crazy as me.  I was on the verge of tears....lost in Depauw....at 8:30 on a Friday night.  I was starving...I was in a truck that could pull a house off its foundation... & I couldn't find my hubby or my nephew.    I finally just stopped driving.  I went back to a church he had told me I would see & called him.  Thank goodness he was in a spot that got service so he could tell me how to get to him.  I said, "B-rad, I'm LOST! Sniff, sniff.  I don't know where you are.  I don't know even know where I am!"   He told me how to get there from the church & then said, "It's ok - we're playing games."   SERIOUSLY.

So he had a good laugh at my expense & we went to another field to get the truck he had driven out there originally.  THEN he tells me, 'stop at the gas station & don't pull in the pump on the end...that's for off road diesel.  Pull up to the one that's next to it.  It has gas AND diesel."  I just hung.my.head...

The Groves' are having another costume party this year. Ya'll know how I hate, despise, loathe love to play along & dress up!  I tried to get out of it...that didn't work.  So then I decided to put my foot down & not dress up.  I said I would dress in black, wear a hat & be a witch.  That's easy & very close to reality!  But then sitting around the fire one night, we came up with a fun idea to dress up as.  Since I think the ideas fun & found a costume that will fit me (remember the 'dad calling me a fat witch' debacle last year?  Yea-I'm not still bitter about that...at ALL...), I'm playing along well with others.   

Here's another thing (told ya pms was bad this month...) I LOVE the show, "Say yes to the dress".  If you haven't seen it - you're missing out.  It's all about gals picking out their wedding dresses. (WHO doesn't love a wedding dress?!)  On one of the episodes yesterday there were some ladies on it who were larger than   the average gal.  And I watched as they tried dress after dress on them & and they wouldn't fit.  And I watched how this exciting, life long dream of getting the perfect wedding dress slowly started to be overcome by feelings of no self worth & broke their spirit.  And it broke.my.heart.  

 Even some of the friends & family they brought along were not supportive?. Really?  That's just great.  

People who are different in ANY way, are still people.  They have feelings too.  Did ya'll hear about that news lady who fired back at that guy who called her fat & a bad role model?  Good for her.  Like she said, "He's not telling me anything I don't already know."  A**hole...

It just makes me sad that nowadays if you don't look a certain way, act a certain way, talk a certain way, wear your hair a certain way,  you're looked down upon.  I know I'm a large gal ... & lucky for me that I outgrew my "I give a s*** what you think" stage & am comfortable in my own skin.  

However, it still hurts when people imply, refer to or outright call me fat.  C'mon....  

It is frustrating to shop for clothes because they all either A) look like large balloon or B) have kittens or birdhouses on them.  Now, I don't have a THING against bird houses OR kittens.  I just don't wanna wear 'em on my shirt.  I still want to look nice..not like I'm wearing a hot air balloon...

So back to my bad pms run this month.  Really...I've been awful.  I don't want to do anything.  I don't want to come to work.  I don't want to leave my house.  I go home & sleep.  I've done a jewelry show or 2 but didn't even WANT to do that.  That's sad because I actually like THOSE!  I'm hoping to get out of this soon...it's no fun....for me or you....