What's in a name?

So I needed something to blog about needed to tell you stalkers something really, REALLY important: 

the only place I refer to Brad as 'B-rad' is here on the blog...He has a different nickname in 'real life'.  

Cue the dramatic music...

I told ya'll however long ago how the nickname 'B-rad;' came into existence:  It started when our friends, Matt & Carrie, watched a movie called "Malibu's most wanted".  The main characters name is Brad & he's a white guy that wants to be black so he refers to himself as B-rad (Bee-rad).  They started calling my Brad that & it just kinda stuck.  However - I usually call him 'Mac'.  It was hard to do that around them because when I would say, "Hey, Mac" Matt would usually look too.  Matt & Mac are too close together so I settled for calling him B-rad.  (If you have had a lobotomy are wondering if I ever call him 'honey' or 'sweetie' or 'love muffin' - the answer is no & you are no longer allowed to read the blog.  I don't call anyone weird words like that. Not even little kids.  I never say, "Hey sweetie-want to quit screaming a piece of candy?)  

And if you're also wondering what he calls me?  Well - he calls me Jaime.  We don't do the 'terms on endearment' words.  We just don't... & ya'll know I'm all about equal love for everyone so it shouldn't matter to you that I don't call my hubby 'baby'.  (yuck it hurts just TYPING it.)  Just like it doesn't matter to me that you refer to your person as snookems.   Ya'll can talk however you like... but at my house you're WAY more likely to hear someone called an asshole than honey...

(Wow I get side-tracked so easy!) We don't really hang out w/ Matt & Carrie anymore so I'm free to call Brad whatever I want whenever I want.  So to keep ya'll from being confused  in the loop - I will probably refer to B-rad on the blog from this point on as Brad or Mac.  Try to keep up, mmm kay?!

(You can only imagine how difficult it was this past weekend calling him "Mac" with 30 other McAfee's around.  {He could barley hear me - we're they're so loud!}  I can't claim the "Mac" nickname as my creation (dammit).  They ALL call their grandparents Grandma & Grandpa MAC.  I'm sure some of the other wives call their hubbies Mac as well.  

Alicia rounds up her kids by saying things like, "'C'mon McAfee's - it's time to eat."  She said that this weekend & we just looked at each other & laughed.  Yea - that didn't work so well during the McAfee invasion...)

Too many title choices to narrow it down to JUST one.

I always try to make my post titles catchy & funny.   I really like to grab my readers with my witty titles.  I think more about the title than anything else.  All the story stuff I type comes natural & is so easy because it is my life. 

Unfortunately I came up with several titles for our weekend & I felt I would be doing a disservice to myself you if I didn't share them all:

McAfee Invasion

Crying, chaos, more crying & some screaming thrown in.

How many people does it take to sink a houseboat?

Does anyone have a concrete block & some rope?

(Of course, I kid... maybe.. kinda... ok, I'm not kidding...)

Where to begin?  Ok, so B-rad's parents have a houseboat on Rough River that we like to frequent in the summer.  B-rad's brothers family also has a houseboat they stay on.  When we're ALL there (not counting my niece, Erin, because she doesn't live near here) there are 7 adults & 2 children...ages 17 & 11.  So we're talking like 9 people.  NINE.  

B-rad's dads brothers family (got all that?) was throwing a surprise wedding vow renewal on Friday night.  They have 5 kids who are all married with kids of their own & 2 of them live on the east & west coasts.  In order to make it look completely normal they were all coming home they planned a 'fun in the sun' day for Saturday & Sunday.  Guess where it was going to be?  My in laws houseboat.  

With all of them & all of us there would be about 30 people on the boat.  THIRTY people, people...  And then I started doing the math about kids because that's what I was most concerned about...because they have lots of SMALL kids. I figured out there would be 6 kids under the age of 4.  

And that's when I started to break out in hives....

(Ok-so let me remind you that if you've read my blog (or known me) for longer than like 10 minutes - you know I'm sarcastic & honest.  Of course I was looking forward to seeing the family blah, blah, blah & all of us visiting together blah, blah, blah.  And of COURSE I know kids are kids & they can't help themselves & it's part of life blah blah blah.  But you also know that I'm gonna tell you the real deal.  I'm not gonna sugar coat it...I'm not gonna be like, "Oh, it was so cool when almost all the little kids were screaming in unison!"  Nu uh, not here....)  

The plan was to all meet at the houseboat around 3 pm.  My mil (that's mother in law if ya don't know) wanted to take the houseboat out onto the lake & anchor off.  We could swim or ride the jet ski & she would make dinner.  That plan got seriously screwed up when we didn't get to leave at 3 pm.  More on that later....

First, things I find amusing about kids & glad I don't have to deal with:

Little Elika is a year old & she really loves her mommy... like when her mommy leaves her sight - she does this. (that's not her mommy holding her...) So I asked the obvious question, "Does Fargol not work anymore?" (because I get that - if she's home all day with her she's gonna be attached!)  The answer I got was, "No she doesn't.....but she has a nanny."  Then I was confused because obviously someone else helps take care of her besides her mom so why all the screaming?  However, Elika lives on the West coast.  They had been going going going for 3 days already (from surprise wedding vow renewal stuff) & her time zones were all screwed up so she sorta gets a pass...

Whenever little ones eat, they get the food everywhere.  And typically it's in the nastiest form possible:  smooshed, saturated with spit, in between their fingers, up their nose...

And lastly, the messes.  Kids are just messy.  They leave trails of destruction where ever they go.  That's their favorite job, I think.  This chair had to give its soul to the cause...taken down by a twizzler... poor chair...

When we took the houseboats out, Brian's gutter thingie was rubbing the in laws boat (they tie them together out in the water) so B-rad got the job to cut it off...

Please notice his feet are on that tiny, tiny rail.  Oh ma gosh...

Typically I don't go around beating on a drum saying, "Hey look at me!  I don't want to have kids!"  or "Hey, that snotty noise is NASTY!  YUCK!" or "Hey when those kids scream I wanna tear my ears off!" (I do make faces though...my face will be the death of me...) But if you ASK me about it - I'm going to answer you honestly.  Duh.  And I've been around the family for 19 years....they kinda know my feelings on kids...  So I found it incredibly funny that one of B-rad's cousins, Andrea, came up to me & said, "Jaime - did you come WILLINGLY on this trip?"  (See, she knows...) & I answered, "NO as a matter of fact I didn't.  Ann (that's my mil) told me I had to come.  SHE MADE ME.  And Alicia...she said I had to come too!"  Of course, Andrea laughed & said, "Yea, I wondered why you'd come out here to be around all this craziness if you didn't have too!"  (And yes, my mil DID make me go.  She wanted to have mine & Lora's help because we know where everything is, etc.)  And Alicia - well, that goes without saying why she wanted me there - she loves me....

I was in the houseboat & heard like a serious screaming fit & NO LIE - I RAN to the back of the houseboat to video it for you.  3 babies screaming ALL at the same time.  And the first chick you see, that's Andrea (the one who asked me if I was there willingly) & her little boy, Avery, screaming his head off.  You will also hear her 'encouraging' me to video her niece, Allie, when she starts screaming too... 

I can't make this stuff up, people...

My mil is also an excellent cook.  One thing about going to the lake - we never go hungry... & she was feeding an army for sure.  Please notice my biggest helping was of carbs & cheese.  Hash brown casserole, baby!  

I am thankful Alicia was there...she kept me sane & she wouldn't let me tie a concrete block to my leg.  I've told ya'll a million times, but she & I grew up across the street from each other, I baby sat her & her brother, we hung out in high school until I got old & graduated & she married B-rad's cousin.  She's super laid back & she gets me so we banter back & forth a LOT.  When her 2 year old daughter was going down the slide for the first time she wanted someone to go down below in case something happened, but she wanted to take pics (she has her priorities)...

Me: "I'll go down there to watch her."  

Alicia: "Will you jump in the water if she needs you?"

Me:  "What do you think I am, an animal?  Of course I'll jump in to get her!"

Or when Nora had a snotty nose:

Daniel:  "Oh, Nora we need to wipe your nose."

Alicia:  "HAVE JAIME DO IT!"

We didn't get to leave at 3pm like we planned because a few people got there late.  Dinner was way later than expected...like we didn't eat until almost 9:00PM.  UHM, yea. That's late for kiddos - I totally get that.  I'm sure that's even past most their bedtimes...so tensions were getting high...kids parents were getting cranky... 

Screams were becoming more shrill & closer together... it was time to go... 

I also took a voice memo but I can't figure out how to upload it.  Just imagine the hum roar of 30ish people talking & every so often you'd hear a scream...or 2...or 15....

My in-laws had to return a pontoon boat to another marina & had asked Alicia's kids if they wanted to go.  She said, 'no they're swimming, they can stay here.'  B-rad & I were going in our little boat to pick them up & Jake swam out to us.  I just looked at Alicia & said, "I guess he's coming with us!"  When we got to the other marina my in laws were surprised he was with us & asked how he managed that.  I said, 'he swam out to our boat & got on.'  They said, "Oh, his momma told us he couldn't come.  It's better that she's mad at you than us."  I said, 'oh, I can handle his momma...'  

On our way back, I was splashing Jake with water & we were playing - my mil said, "Ya know, Jaime, in all actuality - you have LOTS of kids."   

Sigh, I guess that's true since our closest friends have kids & we have a niece, nephews & great nieces.  Of course we would do anything in the world for them as long as they're not screaming.  However I'm not legally responsible for any of them... that's the part I like...

Current events

I don't know what to tell you except that life around the McAfee's isn't that exciting lately.  We've both been busy with 'things', but nothing ya'll wanna read about blog worthy.  But I noticed I haven't blogged for like a week...& since ya'll miss me enjoy my posts so much - you're gonna get mundane happenings.  

You are welcome.

B-rad's been busy working.  YES, he's always working on something.  He spent this past weekend putting a new rear end in one of the Mustangs (yes, I said one of...).  He's also been working long hours at his day job, plus staying over a couple of hours a night to work on a project for his Aunt & Uncle's house.  

My car is an extension of me.  I like to 'girly' it up & put my own personal touches on it.  Don't ask me why - I just DO.  I have my purple hyacinth sticker on the back, but I also had a tacky purple plastic thingie hanging from the rear view mirror.  I can't remember how long I've had it, but its been a while.  Shauna's daughter, Ally, made me a purple & blue beaded circle to hang on my mirror & it just didn't go with my purple tacky thing.  So I got creative.  Butterflies girlfriend, Rhonda, makes jewelry & for Christmas had given me a necklace.  It was long with purple & blue beads & a little medallion with my initials on it.  I really liked it but I was still selling Premier & didn't wear anything BUT Premier.  Fast forward 6 months & I'm done with Premier (more on that in a sec) but I have a metal allergy....

SO, I re-vamped it into something to hang on my mirror AND it goes perfect with the purple & blue beads Ally made me.  Voila!

 If you're wondering if I still have my cell phone case obsession, I do.  This is my latest gem.  I got it at Best Buy...

I still splurge on myself & get my nails done.  Sometimes it's nerve racking trying to think of how & what color I want them painted.  (First world problems, right?!)  I kept seeing all these girls with their ring fingers painted a different color.  I would ask them ALL what it meant but no one could tell me.  And since I'm a hip, cool, youngster intrigued by 'fads' - I decided to give it a try.  I LOVE having my nails painted black, so I did black with silver glitter on my ring finger.

(And if you're wondering - YES I would jump off a bridge if the rest of you did...)

AND-since you can't help but see my blingy wedding ring that I love more than my hubby I've been wearing it for about 3 weeks & haven't had any break outs.  I got a quote from a jeweler to have it re-set in platinum.  It was going to cost over $4,000.  GULP.  And that's using all my diamonds.  Yea - I'm not about to pay that kind of money so I decided to take my chances.  

Shauna & I went Saturday afternoon to have lunch, pedis & a little shopping.  She went with pink w/ glitter & I did purple w/ glitter.  (I know you're shocked.)  

 So I'm officially no longer a Premier jewelry lady.  I am sad & happy all at the same time.  I'm relieved to not be doing the boring 'work' parts of it, but I miss being the fun jewelry lady getting all the attention.  When I think about the last 4 years, I am SUPER proud of myself for the things I accomplished.   Ya'll know I have no problem bragging on myself, but I was good at it (even other people told me so, so there.) I enjoyed it & had a lot of fun.  I was thinking the other day about when I trained the girls in our group on how to do jewelry buncos.  I let all them be my 'guests' & they played bunco & I showed them how I did my shows.  It was a great boost to my ego honor that they looked up to me, valued my talents & wanted to learn from me.  

Over the 4 years, I had 132 hostesses invite me into their homes & did a total of 156 jewelry shows.  The numbers don't match because I had a few repeat hostesses!  I sold $83,497 in jewelry & what's even more fun is that Premier allowed me to give away $37,883 FREE.   No wonder I was tired...

Even though I have the stupid metal allergy, I did keep several a few of my favorite pieces.  Trust me - it was hard narrowing it down!  I worked Saturday night on moving everything from a table in my office to a hanging organizer thingie Shauna & I got at Bed Bath & Beyond. Like I said...a FEW pieces...

 

Celebrating 3-0.

So my friend, Shauna, is in her twenties.  It's hard for me to remember that sometimes, because she doesn't ACT like she's in her twenties.  (She's had a lot of life experience & acts more mature than most twenty somethings...)  And since I'm ahem - older than 30 - I always take exception when she says, "I'm 30!"  I scold gently remind her, "You're NOT 30.  You're 29... Quit saying you're 30!"  You know me - tough love.

 (About a month ago she asked me, "Since we're only like a month from my birthday, can I FINALLY say I'm 30?"    I said, "Sure - why not?!"  

Brian & Shauna had a cookout/swim birthday party for her on Saturday.  Our husbands used this opportunity to make a ghetto slip & slide in their back yard.  They had black plastic & soap.  I cannot tell you how excited they were.

I wanted to do something fun for Shauna's birthday since turning 30 sucks is special.   I came up with a cute idea.  I did 30 gifts for her 30th birthday.  Now-before you start having palpitations & grab your chest - they weren't all big, expensive gifts.  There were what I called 'good' gifts & some were random things that I know she likes.  I even wrapped them all individually!  (That's most the fun - unwrapping gifts!)

(And I got like 5 invites to peoples birthday parties when they all saw her gift(s). HA!)

The hardest part was thinking of 30 things.  I wrote #1-#30 on a piece of paper & started brainstorming.  I added a few extra just in case I couldn't find something I wanted.  

I won't bore you with ALL 30, but here are some:  

Life saver mints (because she LOVES them), bobby pins (because she loses them), clips for her hair (because she loses them), a container of peanuts (because she loves them), a scentsy plug in thingie (because who doesn't like their house to smell good?), a container of the wax smelly stuff for the plug in thinge (hey, that counts),  a necklace ('good' gift because she told me she liked it), an auxiliary cord to play her iPhone on her  bathroom radio ('good' gift because she said she needed it), a bottle of wine (because she loves it), a women's daily devotional book (because I know she likes that kind of thing), Reese peanut butter cups (no explanation necessary) & pens (because her boss always steals hers).  I also added in a couple of funny things that are 'inside jokes' to make her laugh. 

If I had to classify one thing as her 'big' gift in the basket- I would say it was a Lolita wine glass.  It is the 'girlfriends' one if you're familiar with their designs.  (and no the basket wasn't a gift...Shauna's not the 'baskety' type so I didn't think that was a good idea for her...but if you're thinking of stealing my fabulous idea doing something like this, you could totally use that as one of your gifts.  A basket, a thirty one bag,a storage tote, etc depending on the friend.)

 Honestly, I was too busy having fun to worry about taking a lot of pictures so I don't have much to show for the evening.  I didn't even take a pic with the birthday girl!  Fail!

We ended the night sitting around the fire.  Their dog, Laila, is a boxer & she's a fantastic dog.   I just love her...and she loves B-rad.  Like serious love.  I go to their house a lot without him & when I do, she searches for him for a few minutes after I get there.  And when he IS with me, she runs right past me to find him & then it's all over.  He plays with her & they rough house & she loves it.  He & I were sitting on the couch & Laila decided that she needed to be up there with us him as well...

(Notice the scrape on my knee?  That's from dragging Laila out of the lake back onto the houseboat last weekend when she got in the water.  Told ya I love her...)

  Happy, Happy 30th birthday Shauna!  It was a fun night celebrating!  Thank goodness she can finally say she's 30!  And the real bitch of it is we will all (Brian, B-rad & I) be turning 40 over the next 4 years & she'll still be in her thirties...  

DAMN IT.