When your dad wants to buy you a gun

So my dad is totally pro gun - like NRA supporter pro gun.  And all my life I've been around guns.  Shot guns mostly & I've even shot them on several occasions throughout my life.  Times are different of course, but I always remember dad having a hand gun in his dresser drawer... & Jeremy & I were threatened within an inch of our lives that we were NEVER to touch it.

Guess what?

We NEVER touched it.

 When I was there for lunch last week & he said, 'You know Jaime - I've been thinking - with you living in the country like you do - you need a gun.  Would you use a gun if I bought you one?'

I'm sure I've told you I'm not comfortable with guns.  They make me nervous.  (I mean I like to be in control & all but life & death is a bit too much control for me!)  And after all I've only lived in the country for 17 years - I'm not sure why he decided now I need protection but whatever...

I also don't like to accept things from anyone really - but especially him because it always comes w/ a price.  The price is usually him bugging the hell out of you about the recent 'gift' & then if you don't do what he wants/says/thinks he gets pissed & yells.  And I don't like the yelling.   Plus I feel like I can't really say no when he wants me to look up movie stars on the internet to see:

a) if they're dead

b) if they are, in fact - dead; WHEN did they die?

c) where were they born?

SO-mom is behind him shaking her head fervently YES to take the gun & I knew that if B-rad found out dad was willing to buy me a gun & I said no he would kill me.  

B-rad's plan has been to get me a revolver because it's very simple - you point, you pull the trigger. No clip, no slide thingie to pull back to put one in the chamber to be ready to shoot (I have trouble w/ that because I'm weak...) & there are no jams like an automatic.  It worked out that the gun Dad had seen in the Bass Pro ad to get me was a revolver.  He had picked out a Taurus Ultra lite 38 special because it would 'be perfect to put it in my purse.'  (He even told me how to hold my purse on my elbow so I could easily access my gun if needed.  I kid you not...)

We quickly decided we would go the next night to buy it after work & I would pick him up at 5:00.  THEN the demands started, 'call them & ask them how many days you have to wait if you have your conceal carry?'  

'Call to see how many they have in stock'  '

'Text Jer to see if he wants to go with us.'

And who am I to say no? - he's buying me a gun for crying out loud.  And this was all going on while I was still there for lunch - what I haven't told you about yet is the 3 extra phone calls I got AFTER that telling me to call them (again) & have them hold the gun (I got told that twice) & to tell Jer we'll be at his house around 5:30 (after I already told Jer that.)  He had me so rattled when he called one day at lunch while I was running errands I left my debit card at the drive thru of the bank.  THAT was fun...

So myself, mom, dad & Jer went in town that Friday night & ya'll - whoever says it's 'easy' to get a gun is lying.  It took about 30-45 minutes total, but there are lots of steps.  It's not like I walked in & said, "I want that one", they rang it up & we were out the door.  I had to submit my info online & answer all the questions.  Then it shows all the questions you just answered & shows you your answers & says, 'is that correct or in-correct?' & you have to say if it's correct or incorrect for every.single.question.   After the background check comes out ok, the sales person prints everything out & he looks over every.single.word   I had to read over a couple more forms & then sign & date.  THEN he calls a manager over so he can review every.single.word..

NOW-for those of you who know my dad - well THIS sent him over the edge. And in a voice that he didn't care if everyone in the store heard him:

'What the HELL is taking so long?'  

'WHAT are they waiting for?'

'I NEVER had to do this when I bought guns.'

He was scoping out ammo prices while we waited.  In his BEST whisper (which isn't a whisper at all) 'Honey do you know how much they want for a box of shells here?  $35.00 dollars!  We'll go to Walmart & look...'

Since dad was paying for the gun, also peppered in this time was him trying to give the salesman his license & check & Bass Pro rewards card to pay, to which I had to say, "Dad - WAIT.  He's not ready for all that yet."

After we finished at Bass Pro we stopped for dinner then we took Jeremy home.  Mom & dad recently had his dog for a week while he was out of town for a race so they wanted to visit w/ her.  Then we had to go outside to see his herd of chickens...

When you're driving your mid 60 to mid 70 year old parents around you have to find a radio station from their era.  I swear to you my radio has never EVER been on '60's on 6'...

Dad said, 'What the HELL are you doing?'

Me:  "Taking a picture."

Dad:  'A PICTURE?  Of the RADIO?'

Me:  "Yes"

OK so if you don't know (I didn't) there is no waiting period for a handgun as long as your background check comes back ok so I was able to take my gun home right then.  When I got home from town B-rad & I eventually headed to the lake.  

(I have to tell you this story to finish up the 'dad buying me a gun' story...)

We decided to visit a different river on Saturday because we may be moving the houseboat somewhere else.  It's a long story that no one cares about, but if we actually do move I'll tell you the boring story.

ANYWAY-we were going to take little boat & since for the last 7 years we've only driven it from the storage place that's right across the street from the loading dock so the trailer wasn't in tip top shape.  Poor B-rad always gets stuck working on something.  The trailer lights didn't work & we hadn't put new tags on it since 2014.  We had bought & paid for them, just never put the plate on since we never take it more than right across the street.

We spent the day at Green River & scoped out a new sight we may want for the houseboat.  I don't normally get to see our boat out of the water on the trailer so I snapped a pic.

While we were on the trip to Green River, dad called me 3 times.  And I'm sure the calling stopped only because I finally texted mom to tell her we were at the lake & didn't get good service but to tell dad I got his messages & I would talk to him Monday.

To correspond w/ the 3 calls, I had 3 messages.  The first one was the longest then the other 2 were basically the same & were a quick, 3 second snippet of what the first one had said.  And you are in luck because I Googled the HELL out of 'how to upload a M4.A file to blogger.  It's a bit of a pain, but it will be SO worth it... You can here dad's first voice mail here.  (You have to click on the link below the 'here', then click on vmail071616 on the left side.  Click download & depending on your operating system either windows media player will come or iTunes will launch.  

Enjoy the 43 seconds of goodness ya'll...

When I got to their house on Monday for lunch dad had my boxes of shells all ready.  One box is target shots & the other is 'for realsy' bullets.  He said, 'Honey-if you hit someone one good time w/ one of these it will take them down.  And like 'such & such' {I can't remember who he said} used to say, 'if you can't hit them w/ 5 shots - RUN.'

Currently the gun is in my purse, but it's not loaded.  I know, I KNOW - how dumb - but hear me out.  We've been so busy since the purchase that I haven't had a chance to have adult supervision (B-rad) around so I could shoot it at targets.  I feel like I should shoot it a few times before I load the damn thing w/ 'for realsy' bullets that could kill someone or me.   Mom showed me how to load & unload it so I've got that down.

Yes, I am super nervous about having it in my purse, but honestly I feel like it's a damn good thing I have it.  I want to be more comfortable w/ guns & I want to feel like I'm not a sitting duck for all the crazy psychos in the world.  I read recently that a lady here locally was leaving her house for work when a man pulled a gun on her & took her back into her home to rob her.  Now-I'm not saying I would know what the hell to do in that situation, but I feel like having a gun w/ me gives me a better chance of protecting/defending myself than not having one.

Wish me luck!  

Luke Bryan - Klipsch Music center

Shauna & I headed to Indy to see Luke Bryan last Friday night.  We weren't able to leave from home until 5:00 so by the time we jumped in the car & stopped for a gas fill up we got there around 8:00 & the 2nd opener, Little Big Town, was performing.  

We worked our way through the massive crowd in the grass area (that's how I know I'm getting old{er}-all those young people acting like fools & being all up in our way totally irritated me).  We stopped so I could potty, we could get drinks (priorities...) & we found our seats.

We were lucky enough to get a mini-show from the girls in the row in front of us.  

Now-I don't know how I look when I'm dancing around...but I'm betting it looks NOTHING like this.

NOTHING.

I don't even think my hips work in those directions...

As we walked in it hit me that we had forgotten to stop & eat dinner.  NO I don't normally forget to eat but we were just chatting & driving to get there & it didn't even OCCUR to me to stop for food.

And then once I started drinking I didn't even CARE that I was hungry.

I would regret that later....

So the main man came out & I was pretty tipsy.  I'm a lightweight after all & I hadn't eaten anything since noon.  

By 10:00 pm I decided that I was, in fact, drunk so I did what any normal wife would do & that's text my hubby to inform him of my drunken state.  Please note the time was 10:00 pm & we had been drinking for 2 hours... on no food....

He didn't answer me back (until much later) but I figured he had fallen asleep.   I took a video of one of my favorite Luke Bryan songs 'Move' & I barely remember that.  I know Shauna was away from me at this point because I DO remember yelling at her, "You missed him singing my FAVORITE song".

That's another way I knew I was lit - I would never have said anything to her that she missed my favorite song.  What does she care?  

Now-If you're interested in seeing more pictures - there are none.

BUT if you're interested in 3 second videos - I can HOOK YOU UP.

Wait, you need a 2 second, black video?

GOT.IT.

And if a 2 second black video isn't enough - 

I HAVE ANOTHER.

(Marcia-this is about the time you need to turn away...)

So I'm not gonna lie to ya'll - we drank a LOT at this one.  At one point I was finishing my 2nd drink, but had my 3rd in the cup holder ready to be drank.  We walked out to go pee & when we came back (like 2-3 songs later) my drink was gone.

So I asked the lady next to me, "Did YOU drink my drink?"  Of course she lied said, 'No'.  I said, "Well then - WHAT happened to it?"

(this is another way we know I was drunk...I wouldn't talk to someone that way normally.)

She tried to sell me some story that 'oh there were a lot of people in & out of here {we were on the end of the row} while you were gone - maybe one of them got it?'

Then I had to report to Shauna that I thought the lady drank my drink & she proceeded to ask her the same question.

Lucky for HER the concert was ending so they left.  We always hang out for a bit in our seats to let the crowd clear & I looked down a few seats & there was an almost full drink JUST LIKE THE ONE I HAD.

HUH.

So I snatched it up & on our way out of the venue we drank it.

No, that wasn't the best idea in hindsight...but we were drunk what did we care?

Ok-so we sat in the parking lot for a few hours to talk sober up & pee.  Shauna has a whole elaborate system where we pee next to her car & no one sees us & it's way better than the nasty port-a-potty.  We open both doors & then we take turns holding a towel or blanket while the the other one pees for privacy.  

And by the 3rd time I had to pee there were a few cars still in the parking log but it was dark & I didn't care about privacy.  I think(??) I remember announcing that I didn't care who saw me peeing - if they wanted to watch me pee that was their problem. 

I'm not proud of myself, people...

Now if you think this is the low point of the night - it's not  - it was gonna get worse.  So we sat for a few hours & headed to the gas station right outside the venue.  We pee'd (for the 4 millionth time), got a Sprite & some snacks to eat.

We sat in THAT parking lot a bit longer & then we felt like we were ready to leave.  We got onto the on-ramp of the interstate & Shauna lit a cigarette. The smell of the cigarette combined w/ the few combos I had eaten hit me, my stomach turned & I had to make her pull over ON the         on-ramp so I could vomit.

Good times.

B-rad finally decided to get back to his drunk ass wife at 2:15AM.  

And the conversation below is kinda why I love him. 

We never miss a beat to make fun of each other...

We made it back to Shauna's safe & sound.  I had to drive home & I got there around 4:30 AM(!).  B-rad was still awake (yes, he's a night owl) & I didn't remember until the next day when he reminded me but I had asked him what he ate for supper & he said, 'White Castles' to which he said I responded, "UGHHHHHH".

Typically I don't drink enough to do that kind of damage to myself because I'm a control freak so NO I'm not proud of myself.  B-rad said, 'you paid $20 for a drink but wouldn't buy a $5 hot dog?' 

UHM it never occurred to me to buy food...I started drinking & that was it.

Game over.

Even though I'm not proud of myself we still had a hell of a good time & really isn't THAT all that matters?

I think so!

4th of July at the farm & on the lake

Until the Friday morning of 4th of July weekend I did not know if we were going to the lake or not.  I think I told ya'll how B-rad was working INSANE hours to get nitrogen done which included him only getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night.  

When he's going 1000 miles an hour I have to try really really hard to stomp down the planner inside me & not ask him questions about what we're doing 4-5 days ahead of time.  He gets really irritated w/ me & then I get the dreaded, 'I don't know - I'll have to see what's going on.'

And I hate when he says that.  HATE HATE HATE.  

(but 9 times out of 10 that's the answer I get when I ask anything.  That's B-rad's way of blowing me off & being completely non-committal.  Which makes the committal, planner me insane.) 

SO-I told him the Friday morning before that if we were going to go I needed to know because I had to go get groceries, etc.  He finally said that we wouldn't go down until he got nitrogen done Saturday afternoon.  I went Friday after work to get my portion of groceries & had big plans Saturday to sleep in, do some laundry, pack, nap, whatever.

When his alarm started going off at 7:00AM he asked, 'What are you doing today?  You don't have any plans do you?'

UHM.  This is always a trick question...

I replied, "Well, I was gonna sleep, do laundry, pack..."

Then he asked, 'Can you go w/ me to the field & ride w/ me while I finish nitrogen then follow me to Brent's field (more on that in a minute...)?  That way I don't have the truck stuck out at the field.'

SIGH.

The corn has been growing quickly because of the rain (YAY, RAIN!) & it was getting almost too tall to side dress.  

But how pretty is this view?

OK-so if I've never told you how side dressing works - here goes.  First-it goes by lots of names, 'side dressing', 'knifing', 'putting down nitrogen'.  The metal circle thingie cuts a trench in the dirt & that  knife thingie on the bottom goes down into the ground.  The blue tube carries the nitrogen down into the ground where the knife/metal circle thingie has just dug.

B-rad has to follow the rows of corn very carefully to make sure the knife & blades go between each row of corn.  He is also being careful to make sure he runs over as little corn as possible.  Some of that can't be avoided (like when he turns around) but he has to try his best to stay between the rows.  

The point of the nitrogen is to provide more food & nutrients directly to the root of the plant.  And when it rained that weekend right after he finished is even better!  The rain water takes the nitrogen down to the root of the plant more quickly.

I've told ya'll a million times I don't know how B-rad does it acre after acre, field after field - I was bored after like 45 minutes. There were some small fields & I was like, "do we have to go back to that one?"  "After this one are we done?"

Not only is he doing his 'job' at the time, he gets texts & phone calls from his brother (mostly) so he has something else to besides not running over corn. 

The big blue tank in the mirror is where the nitrogen is stored.  He can do about 80 acres (I think?) on one fill up.

After a couple of hours we were done & when you reach a milestone like this it must be documented on social media.  (Nevermind that your wife is BORED & starving!)

Next up was me following him in the truck to Brent's field.  Brent is another young, local farmer who is just getting started & he doesn't have much equipment.  Brent's parents & B-rad's parents have been friends forEVER so we agreed to let Brent use our equipment in trade for his labor services.  He helped them get the planter ready this year (as well as many other tasks!) in trade for using our equipment.  

We had to go through the 4 way stop in Palmyra w/ the tractor & applicator.  Now, I realize many of you don't know what that means - but Marcia & Alicia do!  The 4 way stop is the heart of Palmyra & it really can be a busy little place sometimes.

On this particular day there were people collecting money for a charity.  

And the reason I got my phone out to take a picture was because I was appalled to see that even with this huge ass tractor coming at them, the people collecting did not get out of the way or even attempt to move at all.  I fully realize they may not have been able to move too far away as other cars were in the intersection but it was like these peoples feet were nailed to the road.  

Now it makes more sense to me why people don't get out of the tractors way in their cars - if they're too dumb to move their BODIES, they're certainly not going to move in their car.  The girls in this picture did NOT move anywhere as B-rad went around them & there are NO cars in the turning lane next to them.

This is proof for anyone who ever cusses a farmer because 'they're taking up the whole damn road' that when a farmer can get over out of the way THEY DO.  This stretch of highway has really wide shoulders & we drove on them as much as we could so people could get around us.

SO THERE.

OK-so after an HOUR AND A HALF to Brent's field (remember the tractor tops out less than 20 mpg) we had to wait for him to meet us, then B-rad had to show him how to side dress.

So I waited...

Then they had to fill the tank.

So I waited...

THEN one of the tanks on the semi was leaking so they had to fix that.

And I waited....

An hour after we got to Brent's field B-rad was ready to leave.  This was around 2pm if anyone is keeping track.  I eat lunch at noon so I was hungry & cranky.  We stopped to get a bite to eat & then headed home to pack for the lake.  We got on the road around 3:45 & what I normally wouldn't tell you (but I know B-rad would L-O-V-E for you to know) is that 15 minutes away from home I realized that I forgot something & we had to go back home.

SO.

We got to the lake around 6:30 Saturday night.  Poor B-rad took a couple of little naps on the way in the car.  You know he's tired when he lets me drive...

Where the houseboat is docked at the lake is like living in 1812 & we have NO cell phone service. NONE.  I mean - the words 'NO SERVICE' actually appear at the top of our phones.  Sometimes I try first thing in the morning to go out on top of the boat to see what kind of social media I can connect to.  (It's better in the morning for some reason?  We assume because there's not as many people out yet to suck up all the data rays?)  But even though it's 'better' in the mornings, it still mind-numbingly slow & I'm impatient so I usually get pissed after 10 minutes (I mean who EVER heard of waiting 10 WHOLE minutes for Facebook to load?  Blasphemy!), put the phone in airplane mode & throw it on our bed.  And since I'm mad at my phone & don't have it in my pocket you get no pictures from our weekend. 

 However on Sunday evening a storm came through...& since I was hunkered down inside the houseboat & the camera works on my phone even though the data doesn't, I DO have pictures of that.

At first everyone was inside the boat looking out at the dark clouds rolling in.  And they were spooky looking.  I kept looking for clouds that appeared to be rotating.  I asked, "Where do you go when you're in a houseboat on the WATER & a tornado comes?"

I wasn't happy with the answer I got...

'You are where you're supposed to be.'

Not comforting...

While the storm chasers watchers went outside, I stayed safely (& I use the word 'safely' in the loosest way possible.  I mean HOW 'safe' can you be in a paper-thin walled boat sitting on a large body of water?  Really?)

The lake puts on fireworks & we usually move the houseboat over to the dam to watch them.   Since we got down there so late Saturday night & one of the engines has a piece that B-rad has to fix we stayed at the dock & watched what fireworks we could see that came up over the tree line.   Sunday night we all crammed into the boat to watch a movie since it rained the whole evening & Monday was more of the same so we headed home around 1:00.

And that's how the farming McAfee's do 4th of July - part farming, part fun...