Too many title choices to narrow it down to JUST one.

I always try to make my post titles catchy & funny.   I really like to grab my readers with my witty titles.  I think more about the title than anything else.  All the story stuff I type comes natural & is so easy because it is my life. 

Unfortunately I came up with several titles for our weekend & I felt I would be doing a disservice to myself you if I didn't share them all:

McAfee Invasion

Crying, chaos, more crying & some screaming thrown in.

How many people does it take to sink a houseboat?

Does anyone have a concrete block & some rope?

(Of course, I kid... maybe.. kinda... ok, I'm not kidding...)

Where to begin?  Ok, so B-rad's parents have a houseboat on Rough River that we like to frequent in the summer.  B-rad's brothers family also has a houseboat they stay on.  When we're ALL there (not counting my niece, Erin, because she doesn't live near here) there are 7 adults & 2 children...ages 17 & 11.  So we're talking like 9 people.  NINE.  

B-rad's dads brothers family (got all that?) was throwing a surprise wedding vow renewal on Friday night.  They have 5 kids who are all married with kids of their own & 2 of them live on the east & west coasts.  In order to make it look completely normal they were all coming home they planned a 'fun in the sun' day for Saturday & Sunday.  Guess where it was going to be?  My in laws houseboat.  

With all of them & all of us there would be about 30 people on the boat.  THIRTY people, people...  And then I started doing the math about kids because that's what I was most concerned about...because they have lots of SMALL kids. I figured out there would be 6 kids under the age of 4.  

And that's when I started to break out in hives....

(Ok-so let me remind you that if you've read my blog (or known me) for longer than like 10 minutes - you know I'm sarcastic & honest.  Of course I was looking forward to seeing the family blah, blah, blah & all of us visiting together blah, blah, blah.  And of COURSE I know kids are kids & they can't help themselves & it's part of life blah blah blah.  But you also know that I'm gonna tell you the real deal.  I'm not gonna sugar coat it...I'm not gonna be like, "Oh, it was so cool when almost all the little kids were screaming in unison!"  Nu uh, not here....)  

The plan was to all meet at the houseboat around 3 pm.  My mil (that's mother in law if ya don't know) wanted to take the houseboat out onto the lake & anchor off.  We could swim or ride the jet ski & she would make dinner.  That plan got seriously screwed up when we didn't get to leave at 3 pm.  More on that later....

First, things I find amusing about kids & glad I don't have to deal with:

Little Elika is a year old & she really loves her mommy... like when her mommy leaves her sight - she does this. (that's not her mommy holding her...) So I asked the obvious question, "Does Fargol not work anymore?" (because I get that - if she's home all day with her she's gonna be attached!)  The answer I got was, "No she doesn't.....but she has a nanny."  Then I was confused because obviously someone else helps take care of her besides her mom so why all the screaming?  However, Elika lives on the West coast.  They had been going going going for 3 days already (from surprise wedding vow renewal stuff) & her time zones were all screwed up so she sorta gets a pass...

Whenever little ones eat, they get the food everywhere.  And typically it's in the nastiest form possible:  smooshed, saturated with spit, in between their fingers, up their nose...

And lastly, the messes.  Kids are just messy.  They leave trails of destruction where ever they go.  That's their favorite job, I think.  This chair had to give its soul to the cause...taken down by a twizzler... poor chair...

When we took the houseboats out, Brian's gutter thingie was rubbing the in laws boat (they tie them together out in the water) so B-rad got the job to cut it off...

Please notice his feet are on that tiny, tiny rail.  Oh ma gosh...

Typically I don't go around beating on a drum saying, "Hey look at me!  I don't want to have kids!"  or "Hey, that snotty noise is NASTY!  YUCK!" or "Hey when those kids scream I wanna tear my ears off!" (I do make faces though...my face will be the death of me...) But if you ASK me about it - I'm going to answer you honestly.  Duh.  And I've been around the family for 19 years....they kinda know my feelings on kids...  So I found it incredibly funny that one of B-rad's cousins, Andrea, came up to me & said, "Jaime - did you come WILLINGLY on this trip?"  (See, she knows...) & I answered, "NO as a matter of fact I didn't.  Ann (that's my mil) told me I had to come.  SHE MADE ME.  And Alicia...she said I had to come too!"  Of course, Andrea laughed & said, "Yea, I wondered why you'd come out here to be around all this craziness if you didn't have too!"  (And yes, my mil DID make me go.  She wanted to have mine & Lora's help because we know where everything is, etc.)  And Alicia - well, that goes without saying why she wanted me there - she loves me....

I was in the houseboat & heard like a serious screaming fit & NO LIE - I RAN to the back of the houseboat to video it for you.  3 babies screaming ALL at the same time.  And the first chick you see, that's Andrea (the one who asked me if I was there willingly) & her little boy, Avery, screaming his head off.  You will also hear her 'encouraging' me to video her niece, Allie, when she starts screaming too... 

I can't make this stuff up, people...

My mil is also an excellent cook.  One thing about going to the lake - we never go hungry... & she was feeding an army for sure.  Please notice my biggest helping was of carbs & cheese.  Hash brown casserole, baby!  

I am thankful Alicia was there...she kept me sane & she wouldn't let me tie a concrete block to my leg.  I've told ya'll a million times, but she & I grew up across the street from each other, I baby sat her & her brother, we hung out in high school until I got old & graduated & she married B-rad's cousin.  She's super laid back & she gets me so we banter back & forth a LOT.  When her 2 year old daughter was going down the slide for the first time she wanted someone to go down below in case something happened, but she wanted to take pics (she has her priorities)...

Me: "I'll go down there to watch her."  

Alicia: "Will you jump in the water if she needs you?"

Me:  "What do you think I am, an animal?  Of course I'll jump in to get her!"

Or when Nora had a snotty nose:

Daniel:  "Oh, Nora we need to wipe your nose."

Alicia:  "HAVE JAIME DO IT!"

We didn't get to leave at 3pm like we planned because a few people got there late.  Dinner was way later than expected...like we didn't eat until almost 9:00PM.  UHM, yea. That's late for kiddos - I totally get that.  I'm sure that's even past most their bedtimes...so tensions were getting high...kids parents were getting cranky... 

Screams were becoming more shrill & closer together... it was time to go... 

I also took a voice memo but I can't figure out how to upload it.  Just imagine the hum roar of 30ish people talking & every so often you'd hear a scream...or 2...or 15....

My in-laws had to return a pontoon boat to another marina & had asked Alicia's kids if they wanted to go.  She said, 'no they're swimming, they can stay here.'  B-rad & I were going in our little boat to pick them up & Jake swam out to us.  I just looked at Alicia & said, "I guess he's coming with us!"  When we got to the other marina my in laws were surprised he was with us & asked how he managed that.  I said, 'he swam out to our boat & got on.'  They said, "Oh, his momma told us he couldn't come.  It's better that she's mad at you than us."  I said, 'oh, I can handle his momma...'  

On our way back, I was splashing Jake with water & we were playing - my mil said, "Ya know, Jaime, in all actuality - you have LOTS of kids."   

Sigh, I guess that's true since our closest friends have kids & we have a niece, nephews & great nieces.  Of course we would do anything in the world for them as long as they're not screaming.  However I'm not legally responsible for any of them... that's the part I like...