Inappropriate Easter conversation

The closest we get to celebratin' Easter in our house is Easter candy. Yummm... My fav are Reese's peanut butter eggs. Yes, the package is open & there is 1 missing. Don't judge me, I could eat a whole pack in one setting. But I've had this pack for about a week & just ate 1. It's NOT been easy. But once Easter's gone so are they... you have to treasure them while they last... sniff, sniff...Mom always likes for us to go church with her bright & early Easter morning & then we go out for brunch. The service at Graceland is always good. One of the reasons I like it is because they make it 'interesting'. They do skits & have songs & stuff like that before the minister gives the sermon. Another good thing about going to the EARLY first service? You know they gotta wrap it up in a certain amount of time so we can clear out & second service people can come in. Sorry - God understands me...

Since I don't have any cute stories of coloring eggs (which I did when I was little & it was SO fun!) or hunting eggs, or easter baskets or anything like that, I'm gonna tell you about our Easter...

Disclaimer - the following are meant for entertainment purposes ONLY. They are not meant to offend based on race, religion, young or not so young, skinny or not so skinny...

So we're all on the way to church. Mom, Jer, B-rad & me. And Jer is just as bad as me at running his chops non-stop. He is also as bad as me at being a smart-eleck. And I must admit, he was coming up with stuff that had me laughing so hard I couldn't breath & had tears rollling down my face.

#1-We are gun totin', God fearin' folk. And 3 outta the 4 people in the vehicle have 'conceal carry' permits. Any guesses who doesn't?! If you're thinkin' the older lady in her uhm, er EARLY - VERY EARLY - 60's- you think wrong! It's little ole me. (I should probably get one though, before Obama takes that right away...) So the discussion was about if you are required to tell the police you have a weapon in the vehicle if they pull you over & don't ask you first. Jer says you don't have to in certain states. Mom says she's scared to because they may pull her out of the car & throw her over the hood & beat her with a stick. So Jer says, "if they try to pull you outta the car, just get your gun they didn't ask you about & bust a cap. Pow, pow - see, don't mess with me!" (of course this was accompanied with him acting like he was shooting somebody...)

#2-Jer videotaped our cousin's wedding 4 years ago. He still hasn't given her the tapes...because he can't find them. So he suggested we should have a wedding re-enactment - 'they'll never know the difference' . He'll be the bride, Brad can be the groom. Disturbing...

#3-After we arrived at church, I was reading the bulletin. They have ALL kinds of activities throughout the week. One was a motorcycle ride for something (I can't remember) so I pointed it out to Brad. He in turn shows it to Jeremy (I let them sit beside each other, big - big mistake...) & they start talking about having a trackday for those riders. And Jeremy says, "We could call it 'Draggin' knee for Jesus'" C'mon - that's funny. I'm laughing right now!

#4-We all know Easter is about how Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice of his life so that we may live. On our way to brunch, mom was listening to 'Elvis radio' in the car. An interesting piece of trivia is that Elvis died the summer before Jeremy was born (1977). So Jer asks mom, "Elvis died in 77, right?" Mom says, "Yes". And without missing a beat, Jer said, "He died so I could live..." I lost my mind. I was crying & I'm laughing right now thinking about him saying it! Mom - she didn't find it quite so funny...

Moving right along...

#5-Jeremy wasn't too keen on all the 'up & down' during service. I don't know why - he just wasn't. And we all know how he's a nut job about training & running? He told us, "I don't even have to train today because I got my workout at church standing up & sitting down!" Again, mom didn't find that too funny...

#6-I love watching the people on the stage singing. I'm a people watcher. People interest me. What they wear, how they fix their hair. There's this one woman I like to watch 'cuz she really gets into it. She moves with the beat. I told mom about how I liked the woman who gets into the music. And she spouts off, "Yeah, that's so & so & she's married to a soldier boy who is over in Afghanistan." And Brad starts singing, "Soldier Boy..." You probably had to be there for this one...

#7-After we got done eating, Brad was asking mom if the choir & singers were the same for the second service as they are for the first. She said 'yep'. & he was like, " oh, ok - I didn't know if there was like a jv & varsity for the choir or what? Like maybe they say, 'ok ,you're not as good so you have to get up early to be there for the first service?!" (He was kidding...about the jv & varsity thing...) Tracey, I know you're not jv at all! :)

Listen, don't judge us - everyone does something different for their holidays. And while I hope you think these were funny, if you didn't - there's something either seriously wrong with you, or you just needed to be there to hear it! No worries, next time your ALL invited!