Am I really THAT bad?!

I have been bothered by something. And normally I don't really care what people think about me - but a guy at worked asked me a question the other day & it got me thinking. He said, "How does Brad put up with you?!" Hhhmmmm?

Ok-here's the deal-io. I don't profess to be a sugary sweet angelic faced woman all the time. Heck, I don't even profess it for 50% of the time... But when I told this co-worker, "I DO have some redeeming qualities!" He said, "Like what?!" And I couldn't think of anything... gasp...

And this has been bothering me. Am I REALLY a bad person?!

And let me go back & explain something to you. When I say I don't care what people think? I mean people I don't like. I don't care what they think. I care what my friends & family think. Co-workers? I could give a crap less if they like me or not. But at good ole Jacobi Sales, women are considered second class citizens. We mean nothing. If you don't have a penis - your opinion, your work ethic, mean NOTHING. I know that's crass, but that's just how it is. And what I also find ironic? The men here can be rude & vile all day long to the women. But let THIS woman come right back at them? I catch crap for it all.day.long. Double standard anyone? They can dish it but they can't take it...

And that's another thing. I tell it like I see it. YES, my mouth runs faster than my brain sometimes & that does get me in trouble. But I'll tell you, again, how my life started for you to 'get' why I'm like this now. I was painfully shy as a girl. The friends I did have, were mean to me. I was left out of play dates. I was probably made fun of & didn't even realize it. When your dad tells you at age 13 (when you're getting chubby) that, 'boys are going to come to the door & ask to take out his fat daughter'. Tell me that doesn't hurt? How 'bout as a 33 year old adult, when carrying a box of donuts to someone else he says to you (in front of strangers no less...), "Like you really need those?..." No wonder I put up a freakin' brick wall!

And that's part of the problem. I REFUSE to be taken advantage of like I was when I was young. I was miserable & sad & I will not let that happen to me again. And because of my vow to not be walked all over - I sometimes go WAY too far to the other side & act like a maniac. As far as my dad? Sure, I can say I don't care what he thinks. And really, I don't...but when I'm posed with , "How does Brad put up with you?" all these insecurities rear their ugly heads.

I do NOT like to have 'smoke blown up my a**' (pardon the expression)... I am a very smart girl & I don't have the time nor need the 'bs' that comes with people telling you what you want to hear. We are all individuals. We have our own ideas, thoughts, opinions. And I do not get upset when someone voices their opinion that may vary from mine (Kate Gosselin anyone?...).

So I never really thought much more about how Brad puts up with me...because honestly, I don't know how he does sometimes. But ya know what? Sometimes I don't know how I put up with HIM. It's a 2 way street. And I'm betting it's that way in every relationship. There is good & there is bad. If I don't cook an actual meal every night, I'm sure I have something Brad can re-heat to eat when he gets home. I do the laundry. I clean the house (kinda...). I take care of all the money, the bills, the bank accounts. I re-new our license plates. I make doctors appointments. I make sure the loyal & faithful steeds are fed. I do ALL the grocery shopping... But no, I am NOT a mooshy-gooshy kinda girl. I don't run to his open arms when he gets home at night (hello? It's late - I'm in bed!)

But after my post about helping my bff with her book...I got SO many comments from ya'll about how 'I'm a good friend'. And that really touched my heart. I have tears in my eyes as I type. And I got to thinking, 'I wasn't asking for any sort of recognition for helping Carrie.' I was just helping a friend in need. And damn it, I AM a good friend!

I get accused of a lot of things. And some of them may be true (I've been accused of being dis-respectful to certain family members. I vehemently deny that one. I also think respect is a 2-way street... you've gotta give it to get it...). Yup, sometimes I'm a bitch (who isn't?), sometimes I'm rude (who isn't?), sometimes I'm impatient (ok, I'm impatient 99% of the time...). But I think I do have good qualities too! I'll do anything I can for my friends & family. (Just today I had to 'sing a song' on a Zelda game for mom to get her to another level on her DS! Sheesh!) I try to be honest. I'm funny. I have raised over $500 for the March for Babies walk in May. I'm DOING the March of Babies walk with Erin. I do anything I can for Erin, my nephews (Derik at Carl Casper, hello?!) or my great nieces (sure I may tell stories of how crazy it was when I babysit - but that'a mainly making fun of MYSELF!)

I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You get that choice... I have a saying, "I try not to 'start' something...but if YOU 'start' it, I'm gonna finish it..." I don't like confrontation, but I will do it if it's necessary for the greater good...

Shew! I feel better. What a great way to get crap off your chest!