Ohio is kinda weird...& rude...

I was able to go to the outskirts of Dayton, OH to visit with Erin & the girls. I hadn't seen them since the wedding plus I had never seen their apartment. The new hubby, Eric, works at Wright-Patterson AFB. So the town they live in is what I would call a 'military town'. It's also a college town because Wright University is right down the road. There are lotsa people that work on base AND lotsa college kids too. Erin had mentioned that they lived like 2 seconds from all kinds of shopping places. And, well - shopping is the magic word so I headed up Thursday night after work. I got there after 8:30 so I didn't really get to play with the girls much that night. Friday morning Madelyn was up bright & early & ready to go!

Madelyn is getting potty trained! She did very well while I was there! Ya'll know I have no clue how to potty train anyone, but Erin read you are supposed to make a big, exciting deal when they go on the potty. So we made a big, exciting deal every time she did! Then she got to put on her 'bob bob'(Sponge Bob) big girl panties!!!
She came out with some sunglasses that had lost the lenses. I told her, "We're twins! We better take our picture!"

Miss Payton was up a bit later & she was ready to play too! She is walking really good now! She's still has balance issues sometimes, but I couldn't believe how well (& FAST!) she gets around!

Madelyn had to show me all her toys! This is her 'botorcycle!'

We had a really relaxing morning. Payton got up around 8:30 & went back to take a nap around 9:30. Ah, what a life that chick has!!!!

When she woke up from her nap, we were ready to go shopping! I helped get the girls ready. Please notice in the picture how Rusty the dog is right there beside me. Last time I saw him he was literally only up to my ankles! Now he is up to my waist! He's super lovable & always has to be touching someone. Since I was the newest someone, he stuck with me most of the weekend! It's kinda tough having a little girl stand on 1 leg so I can put on her sock PLUS have a huge boxer leaning up against me!

We headed to eat lunch first! I swear, they live like 10 minutes from any shopping & food facility you could ever want. I was super jealous!!! Erin picked Red Robin for lunch because I had never been there! I got a run of the mill cheeseburger. It was the biggest, most delicious burger I have ever eaten!

Insert lotsa shopping here. We went to the mall (which is 2 stories, by the way). I was even able to get some Christmas shopping done. (Don't judge me - we're going on a cruise in December & I will have NO time to shop after we get back...) Something I discovered in Ohio is that the people are kinda rude. Ya know how when you're out in public & you may lock eyes with someone & you just kinda give them a smile? Nope, not in Ohio. You get blank stares back. Or ya know how when you're shopping & you need something that someone is standing in front of you say, "Excuse me?!" Nope, not in Ohio. They just kinda push their way through & get to the item they want to get. Rude..

By the time we were done at the mall - Madelyn had literally shopped until she dropped. Payton was still bright eyed from her mid-morning nap. No worries, she got yet another nap when we got back from shopping. Jealous!

Friday night is grocery night! So we all packed up & headed to Meijer which is 5 minutes from their house. We had to get Rusty some medicine so Erin, Payton & I headed to the pet section. I let Payton look at the fish while Erin got the medicine. She came back to the cart & said, "OK I got it-lets go." I said, "Uhm, doesn't Rusty need food?" She said, "Yes, but they keep the dog food in the grocery section." Whaaaa? Weird....

Then we met back up with Eric & Madelyn in the grocery section. And I saw this sign by the deli. What the hell is purple cow ice cream?! Weird...

Saturday morning I hit the road to come back home. I had seen the Ikea store on my way up & I wanted to stop because I have never been there & I always here people rave about it!

Here's what I learned about myself & the Ikea store. #1-I am not fancy enough to shop at Ikea. #2-There is SO much stuff there - it's 2 stories - that I really needed a plan of what I was looking for before I went in. #3-I should not be trusted to purchase things by myself. (I bought a new lamp for our bedroom. Very simple. The base was $5, the shade was $7. Simple & cheap. Right up my alley. Uhm, I got the stupid thing home, put it all together, tried to screw in the light bulb & nothin'. The light bulb wouldn't screw in. Turns out - it takes SPECIAL kinds of light bulbs. Sigh...the bulbs are probably expensive so my simple & cheap lamp is worthless...) #4-I am not smart enough to shop at Ikea....

Thanks again to the Hoehn's (gulp...will I ever get used to THAT?!) for letting me stay for the weekend! I had a lot of fun & it was really cool to see where they live now! Get ready, Eric, I'll be back for Payton's 1st birthday...& B-rad will be coming with me!

Playing dress-up is not really my thang

Our friends, the Groves', have a costume party each year. Last year was our first year to attend & because I was born with a creative bone defect, last year I wore black & bought a witch's hat & voila - I was a witch.

I hate trying to think of costumes for both B-rad & I. PLUS I'm super cheap & don't wanna spend a lotta moolah. Sigh. Most of the couples come as...well...a couple. They go together -ya know, like peanut butter & jelly. Chocolate & peanut butter (yummmm... reese's....)

Anyways, I just wanted to show you what kind of creative juices I was up against:

Harley Couple Mario & Princess (uh, yea-I'm never paying for costumes like that!)This was a happy accident. This dude came as Caesar & then someone brought Little Caesar's pizza!Top Gun So B-rad & I kicked around a few (very awful) ideas. Then the Groves' came up with a good one... Here's Shauna & I the night of the par-tay. Alone, we kinda look like Fred Flintstone's wife &...uhm...I don't know what I look like... But when you put us with the boys - can you tell what we were?! Gilligan's Island! I'm Mary Ann, Brian was Gilligan, B-rad was the Skipper & Shauna was Ginger! Also please note our cups. They are REAL coconuts. Brian bought the coconuts, cut offf the top, hollowed them out, then wired the top piece back to the bottom to make a base. Hmph, he must've been born with an extra creative bone!

B-rad & Brian also purchased a disco ball. I thought is was pretty stupid when they did it, but I must say - it ended up being pretty cool.

Here's what I loved about our costume choices:

#1-They were dirt cheap. B-rad had all the clothes, I just had to buy a pair of shoes (Target clearance $10) & a hat (Target $6). B-rad did gripe about the hat because it was originally white and, "This is a yacht hat. The skipper didn't have a white yacht hat!" I said, "It was 6 bucks. Shut up, you're wearing it!" (Then Brian painted it black & all was well in the world...)

I had all my clothes, plus my hair was just long enough to be in pig tails. My shoes were $8 at the Dollar Store.

#2-They were comfy!

B-rad wanted to be uber authentic so he even shaved his goatee. He looks really funny now! He also scolded me because Mary Ann always had her shirt tyed up. I said, "Nu uh - I ain't tyin' nothin' nowhere!" I found him during the party looking at his iPhone. Uhm, I don't think the Skipper had an iPhone, B-rad...

Ya'll know me-I'm not a big drinker. Gilligan was a big drinker that night. And he wanted me to be a big drinker. He held my head & stroked my throat like you do a dog when you want them to take medicine. Then Ginger stuck the straw in my mouth & I had no choice. I know I look like I'm in pain, but I was seriously laughing my head off. It was freakin' hilarious! (Disclaimer-this only lasted 3 minutes. I was not tortured like this the whole evening...) The Skipper was a pretty big drinker that night too. And lets just say that someone (not me) had a little too much fun (not me) & drank a little too much (not me). So a certain couple had to stay the night at the Groves' because someone (not me) was not going anywhere on his own...

The witch is in

I had official jewelry training on Monday night. And the theme for this month was, "Is your business a trick or a treat?!" We had lotsa 'fall' type decorations.

And little miss thang (aka ME) got the servants heart award because a couple of months ago I helped Gerilee (who is my Premier Grandma & the glue that holds our group together) set up the entire training. I was super stoked (& humbled) to be recognized for my hard work & ideas. 'Cuz ya'll KNOW when Gerilee called to ask me what my thoughts were on training & if I had any opinions on what needed to be trained on, I just flowed like a faucet.

PLUS I got a super cool thirty one bag with "Jewelry Lady" embroidered on it. My Premier mama, Brenda, me (& my super cool bag!) & Gerilee. Ya'll know how I feel about bags too, right?!

So this month when putting training together, Gerilee wanted to go with a 'fall' & 'trick or treat' kinda theme. And she had all kinds of good ideas: Somebody dress up as a vampire & train on 'does your business suck?' (my personal fav...), How to get boooookings. Don't be a scared-y crow, & Do you turn into a witch when you get ditched by a hostess?. Oh, me me me! I wanted that one!

My witch-like qualifications:

1. I bought a witch's hat last year for a costume party.

2. I have this sign on my desk:

3. I stole that black kitty from a 7 year old little boy last year.

4. UHM, I can be a real witch sometimes?!

OK-so I was pumped about training on "Do you turn into a witch when you get ditched by a hostess?" because I have some experience with that too. Verrrrry frustrating.

So I took my stolen kitty & taped him to the broom. I 'rode' the broom from the back of the room cackling & saying, "Hellooooo my pretties!" And I put down my 'the witch is in' sign & announced: "Helloooo my pretties! I'm Jaime, the jeweled wicked witch of the east!" I got lotsa laughs!

And I don't think there are words for the next few pictures. I mean, am I animated or what?!

Lord, help us all..

Don't I totally look like I know what I'm talking about? You'd listen to me, right?!

Touchdowns & tackles - that's all I got...

I went to our nephew, Brady's, football game Thursday night. I had asked him what his number was so I could look for him on the field. He said, "I'm 83." Ok, got it. 83. So I asked Lora one day at work, "So, Lora...why did Brady pick the #83?!" And she answered very politely, "Uhh, he didn't really pick his number." And I was like, "Oh, ok. So they just have a stack of jerseys with the numbers printed on them & that's the one he gravitated too?!" And she answered, "Uhm, no... It doesn't really work like that." And I was like, "ok - then how does it work?" Apparently their number is based on what position they play. Hmph, who knew?! (Can I also just say that Lora did everything she could to not make me look/feel like a moron. I kept pressing the issue until I got to the bottom of the mystery of why Brady is #83. Eh, it is what it is...) Here's what I know about football. They all line up, the whistle blows & they charge towards each other.
Oh yea, I know this is a tackle. Look at me using big football words.
I can't ever figure out who has the ball until there's a mountain of people on top of them.
It was kinda sad because the Cougars got stomped. Last time I remember looking at the scoreboard it was 26 to nothin'. I know that a touchdown is when the ball goes across the line. However since I can't ever figure out who has the ball, I have to look at the ref's to see them make the cool little goal post symbol with their arms.

I got bored with the Cougar stomping, so I put away the camera. And it was like Brady came alive. He got 2 tackles AND he even ran the ball. Oh yes, more football verbage, people. (In the spirit of full disclosure, I was actually able to see that Brady had the ball & he was running. I didn't know it was technically called, "Run the ball" until the next day Brady said, "Hey Jaime - did you see me run the ball?!")

Cole spent the game hanging out with anyone who was not related to him.

I also saw little Miss Kaitlyn there cheering. (Remember she helped me with the girls at the birthday party?!)

I couldn't figure out if this dude had really long, flowing blonde hair or it was a girl? Do girls play middle school football?! Do parents of 14 year old boys in 2010 really let them have long, flowing blonde hair?!

Some realizations from attending a middle school football game:

1. I am SOOOOO glad I'm not in high school anymore. (except I wish I could have summers off.)

2. Teenagers dress kinda weird.

3. They act kinda obnoxious.

4. I see people I went to school with who a) have kids of their own participating or b) they are an assitant coach for Brady's team.

5. When I see those people I'm like, "Pssssh, we're not old enough to have kids Brady's age."

6. Then I realize that we are in fact old enough to have kids Brady's age...

Every wedding has a glitch, right?!

My 2nd cousin, Amanda, got married on Sunday. Mom & I went, but B-rad was too busy fixing the combine & Jeremy was too busy to care. Hmph. And my dad? Oh no no no...my dad does NOT go to things like this. He doesn't like to go & we don't like him to be there. Just sayin'... And don't, "oh, your poor dad" me. Just trust me on this one...

We traveled to Paoli to the Orange County Fairgrounds. The wedding was outside in a shelter house. The wedding started at 2:00. Of course, we were promptly in our seats at 1:50. When we walked to the shelter house, we passed the groom. It was 1:45. He was in jeans, t-shirt & a hat. And I was super pissed because I was dressed in my Sunday best & I was like, "HEY if he can wear jeans to his wedding, why can't I wear jeans to his wedding?!" Hmph.

So you had to walk up a small rocky hill to get to the shelter house. And some woman walking up the small rocky hill fell. And hurt her ankle. And they borrowed another guests wheel chair to get the lady from the hill into a seat under the shelter house. Glitch numero uno.

We were sitting for a while (sorta impatiently) waiting for the wedding to start. Then mom starts pointing to her watch, "Wasn't the wedding suppose to start at 2:00?" Sheesh, mom! Then we get word that the bride locked her keys in the car....& her wedding dress was in the car. Glitch numero dos.

Now, let me remind you that I saw the groom in jeans. At 1:45. Then I hear that the bride has no dress & it's well after 2:00. Uhm, did they not take pictures before? The control freak in me is saying, "Why wasn't she in her dress at like 1:00?!" So her daddy did the daddy move & broke out a window to get to her dress. Hurray! And the wedding was ready to begin at 2:30....

The brides sister, (also my 2nd cousin), Brittany.

Amanda & her dad. The crasher. They did things kinda different because the moms didn't light the unity candle until during the ceremony.
Then Amanda & Jeremy lit theirs.

When it was time for the kiss, it happened so fast that I didn't even catch it with my camera. (Please also note the groom did not wear jeans to his wedding...)

But the chick taking the pictures must've been related to the groom because she made them do it again so she could get the shot. I just might LOVE her! And she didn't get it the 2nd time, so she made them do it AGAIN. Glitch numero tres.

Ok, so they're married & everyone is all happy & they are walking back down the aisle. Well remember the chick that fell? She was sitting in like the 4th row with ice on her foot. It was pretty warm Sunday afternoon & her little Walmart sack full of ice had melted. Across the aisleway where Amanda would be walking with her long, flowing, white gown. Glitch numero quatro. While they were trying to walk strategically around the puddle of water, the hurt lady stopped them & explained to Amanda how she wouldn't be able to come to the reception because she got hurt... Glitch numero cinco.

Finally down the aisle they go! Mr & Mrs Jeremy Chambers.

I didn't take any pics at the reception. But there was another situation there. The kitchen was locked. With all the food, etc. they had already brought inside. Glitch numero seis.

Also, I was never so happy I don't have kids as I was at the reception. First, my aunt was going on & on about her grandkids before the late ceremony. So I turned around & said, "Ixnay on the grandkids'ay!" Then of course, everyone had to laugh at me & tell me how I should have kids blah, blah, blah. Then I tried to announce that my eggs were all dried up. How sad... Yea, they weren't buying that. But my aunt is a nurse at Floyd County in the baby department & I tried to tell her how Dr. Mahan & I do the 'great countdown' every year & I'm almost to the final count. I'm 34 & Dr. Mahan says 35 is the cut off. Yea, she wasn't listening to that either. (But that one really IS true. Hell, my eggs might be dried up, ya never know!)

So we're at the reception & the kids.are.loud. Really, really loud. And it was in one of those like concrete block building places. With horrible acoustics. So the loudness was ear piercing (to me.) Then the dj started the music. And it was loud & blaring & the kids had to be even louder to hear themselves over the music. Gulp. I finally told mom, "Look-I'm ready whenever you are. I can't take this screaming anymore!" And we left soon after before they had even cut the cake. Sigh - I got no cake...kids ruin everything...

A bearing, a broken combine & an underwear drawer

This was a baaaaad weekend on the farm. A bearing went out on the auger Saturday & had to be fixed before they could combine. (The auger is what carries the corn from the semi trailer up into the bin. No auger - no carrying....) So Saturday morning B-rad came home & said, "I gotta go to work." Uhm, huh?! We didn't have the proper machines to fix the bearing at the farm so he had to go to his day job & use their machines. He had worked lotsa extra hours for lotsa NO MORE pay (he's salary..) so I think that's a fair trade off! They got the bearing fixed that evening & then moved the combine to a field near Georgetown. B-rad ran for a few hours & then the header clutch went out. Ruh-roh. So they had to drive it ALL the way home Sunday morning & then spend the day fixing it. They get cranky when stuff breaks & they have to fix it & they can't run. Like I said, baaaaaad weekend....

I had to run to Corydon to pick up some jewelry & I needed some of those clear plastic picture holder thingies for signs my open house coming up. (No worries, if I know you exist & read the dog & pony show - you are SO getting an invitation....) I like to try the dollar tree first because, well - it's the dollar tree. Everything's $1. Heaven. I noticed this truck sitting out front when I got there. It looks like B-rad's truck. Then I noticed corn stalks sticking out the back. I was like, "Oh, did B-rad just tell me he was going to work but he really wanted to surprise me & went out into the field & cut down some corn stalks for me to decorate?!" Uhhh, yea - what do you all think that answer is?! After I got home from Corydon, I had a full day of laundry & tv watching. Then I got a phone call. "Can you bring me something to drink?!" B-rad was at the barn & there were no icy cold beverages for him to partake of in the refrigerator. Of course, I'm a giver & I said, "Sure, honey bunny - whatever you need...."

They were still working on that stupid bearing for the auger. This was around 5:00. A gal can only lay around & watch tv for so long so I decided to hang out for a bit.

Please note that my photo taking skillz have not been compromised. Neither myself nor my super cool iPhone is the problem....B-rad's blurry in these pics because he was scurrying all around & wouldn't stop for a itty bitty photo op!
I like the grinding. It's like pretty fireworks. However, I did keep an eagle eye on all the sparks just to be sure nothing decided to become a fiery blaze....
Again with the scurrying.

Ok-so the bearing was out on the new bin we had built. And it is a humungo tall bin.... I went up & down the stairs with B-rad twice. Then I decided I had had enough of that madness.

So I parked my rear on the bottom steps & just hung out & waited for them to walk back down. Some may say lazy...I say clever. (& I might add that my freakin' legs were killin' me Sunday from going up & down all those steps twice. I don't know HOW many times Brian & B-rad went up & down them...)

And this is another excellent reason why it's NOT clever to just 'hang around' at the farm. They put your butt to work! I was getting ready to go home & B-rad yells, "Hang on! You didn't leave soon enough!" So I had to follow Grandpa Mac out to the field near Georgetown. He took the corn head to drop off while the boys moved the combine. (Remember how I told you they moved it that evening before it broke?)

I finally got back home to the welcoming arms of my couch. I must say I kicked butt at laundry this weekend. I got it ALL done. Then, tragedy struck.

Let me tell ya about our closet. B-rad's 'good' clothes go in our dresser, & his 'work' clothes are stacked on the rack thingies in the top of our closet. I also have those storage shelf drawer things for his socks & underwear. Well, uhm - I'm lazy & I stuff the underwear & socks in those drawers until they can't close completely. I'M not going through his socks & underwear to pull out the old ones. HE can do that...

Then I'm lazy again & just push & shove them shut as far as they'll go & if the drawer is sticking out? Eh, oh well....

Karma's a bitch people! I had to clean this up! He has more hats than the law allows. The boy doesn't even wear hats! But the hats were on top of the drawers. And I didn't get the underwear drawer closed enough to where the weight distribution was enough that it wouldn't come crashing to the ground....so gravity's a bitch too!

So instead of kicking back & watching more tv, I had to clean out his underwear drawer. Hmph. Wasn't HE suppose to do that?!