'Tis the season for purple, silver & GLITTER

I know putting the CHRISTMAS tree up is like seriously old news to SOME of you who put yours up before Halloween is even over, but I finally put MY purple & silver tree Sunday night.  I say MY because, lets be honest - purple....silver...glitter...that's ALL me, baby.  B-rad has NO say in any of it.  

Nor does he care.  Honestly.

He brings all the crap up from the basement, helps me assemble the tree & then sits back & points out my flaws.  "You have a hole right there."  "You have WAY too many lights right there."  "You need something else in that spot."  It's lovely, people....

YES, the purple & silver glittery ornaments made a comeback appearance in the bowl on the table.

 YES, the silver, glittery garland is back up blocking B-rad's tractors.

YES, the purple & silver glittery ornaments are resting again on top of the entertainment center.

 And YES.  The purple & silver glittery masterpiece is back.  I do love this damn tree.  I would love to leave it up all year, ya know - as a decoration, but then I couldn't make fun of people who have their trees up WAY too early.

 I don't know what it is - but I love the tree even more at night with all the lights on.  So pretty.

 B-rad had absentmindedly forgotten about just HOW much glitter this thing entailed.  He was less than thrilled when he remembered (out loud) how he will have glitter on everything from now until Christmas.  So, if you see him out somewhere & he's covered in purple & silver glitter, cut him some slack.... mmmm kay?!

The end of an era

Last week (!) (Yea, it seems like forever ago...) I met up with my stalker friends to see the last movie in the Twilight series... Tear.  

I will not bore you again with the whole story of Twilight, but I wanted to remind you that we met up last year... same time...same place to see Breaking Dawn part one....

 I didn't see the first movie in the theater because I caught on to the Twilight craze a little late... I saw the second one by myself (tear) & by the time the third movie rolled around - me & this little gal right here were  long time stalkers.  So, we had dinner together & saw the movie.  Just the Jaime/Jami's....

This was 2010 ya'll... for reals....

 And now 2 years later - would you look as us?  I just think we're too pretty. (And I still want her hair...)

G & T were there too.  I'm so glad we guilted them into they decided all on their own that Team Edward is where it's at.

 Like good bloggers, they took pics to remember the night & then I stole them.   By now, we've been stalking each other for YEARS & we all know everything about each other.  Somehow, we still manage to find things to talk about.  Especially Gretchen & I.  (Shocking...)  She always loves to ask me to go more in-depth about things I post on the blog.  I find this strange because I feel like I put it all out there, but she always has more questions.  I don't mind at all, I do love to talk about myself.  But I also love these gals because even though I'm the odd gal out (they've all been friends for years...) I don't think they don't judge me for my feelings or outlook on things.  They just love me.  Awwwww... 

JLL was all about this nice kid right here.  She thought he looked like some player for IU.  Of course, she mentioned it to him & we walked back to our theater.  Then she said, "Will you go take a pic of him so I can send it to my hubby?"  SURE!  So I marched myself up there & said, 'hey, my friend that thinks you look like the bball player wants your pic...can I take it?!'  Threw.her.right.under.the.bus.  

While we waited for the movie to start...we did what all gals do on a fun night out away from kids, hubbies & housework...we checked our phones... 

Gretchen is scarf challenged & I know a thing or 12 about scarves.  So I very unselfishly offered to wear a scarf to show her some tricks.  C'mon ya'll - I'm a giver!

 And because these girls know me so well....they know that there's nothing more that I love than two things:

#1- attention

and #2 - being able to tell people what to do. 

Coming back from the dead....

Oh ya'll, I have been sick... like seriously "I wanna die" sick.   I wish I could blame the death sickness on the lack of blog updates but I can't.  I have some things ready to post & was ready to do it on Monday & then I was all like, "I'm dying" & it got delayed....

Ya'll know mom makes me lunch everyday.  And one of my favorite things is "bacon, egg & cheese sandwich" day.  YUM.  When I got there Monday, I could smell the bacon...& it just didn't smell 'good'.  I barely ate my sandwich & went back to work REEKING of bacon.  

While I sat at my desk smelling continuous bacon..I started to feel nauseous.  I wanted to leave work, but the Kubota audit guy was there & I am the lucky gal who gets to deal with THAT.  3 hours later, I said, "Listen dude.  I HAVE to leave. I am going to be sick."

And with that - I left work.  I got home & ripped all my clothes off & pulled my hair away from me to get the bacon smell AWAY.  I laid in bed after vomiting round #1.  Awesome.  Ya'll, not to be gross, but it was seriously disgusting.  Thank GOD I'm blind without my glasses so I could not see what I was puking...only the brown, rancid color.  UGH.  I had to flush between pukes because the smell made me MORE nauseous.  

I called B-rad to have him bring me crackers & Sprite.  He was really good about getting me drinks & a cold washcloth to put on my head.  However, B-rad doesn't do vomit.... he kept his distance by saying, "I'm going to play games, text me if you need me..."

The nauseousness didn't stop at just the bacon smell.  I was watching "Reba" & Barbara Jean made a comment about how she won a contest putting 7 eggs in her mouth... CUE THE VOMIT.

Later in the evening I decided to take my temperature & I smelled B-rad's dinner for the evening - pizza.  CUE THE VOMIT again.    That was 4 times in 4 hours.  What a record, huh?

I texted Shauna to tell her about the latest puking incident (because she like totally cares...) & said, "Good Lord, Kill me!"   She called me & said, "I'm coming over & bringing you some phinagrin" (I have no clue how to spell that?!) I knew it would pay off to be her friend someday...

After I was nicely medicated, I slept the entire night.  I woke up at 7:45 to call into work, took another pill & off to lullaby land I went.  I woke up at 1:30 when B-rad called me because I hadn't answered his 'how are you feeling' 'are you ok' texts & he was afraid I was dead.

I'm sure you all are thinking, "Oh Jaime Mac is preggers."  Ok, BITE YOUR TONGUES.  I happened to catch a stomach bug from a girl here at work.  Now, my sister in law, Lora, is feeling bad.  SO THERE.  I'm back at work today & feeling much better but very, VERY tired & achy.  In celebration of escaping deaths door, I promise I will work on a blog post...eventually...

You can't pick your family

You stalkers may remember that I'm from a little town called Palmyra.  I've lived here my whole entire life.   You may also remember that my dad has been involved in politics my whole entire life.  When I was growing up he was involved on the county level but after he retired he ran for the town board....of Palmyra... And if you have a tv or internet (& don't live in a hole), you may have heard about a lovely little scandal involving a fraud case & whistle blower regarding people on the board... of the town of Palmyra...

(This ringing any bells?  UH, yea...)

If you haven't had the great privilege to see this on the news... no worries - I will hook.you.up.  BUT before I do - 2 things:

#1-  The whistle blowers name is Alvin BROWN.  If you are friends with me on Facebook, or have known me forever & a day, you may know my maiden name is BROWN.  Lord, have mercy.

#2 - WHEN you watch the video (because you MUST), please notice during Alvin BROWN's interview in his home where I eat lunch everyday, in the background there is a family photo on the wall.  There's a girl in the bottom right hand corner that looks JUST like me in the late 90's.  SIGH.  

Surely you can tell where this is headed.  Please, join me in my horror here. 

Speechless?  Yea, me too....

So-I also work here in town & everyone knows dad.  EVERYONE.  Not that they all LIKE him by any means, but they know him & they know me.  And guess who everyone asks when they want all the dirt?  Mmmm hmmm, you guessed it.

This has been brewing for a while.  I've heard dad talk about this & the investigation but honestly I just blew him off because he's a wacky old man who THRIVES on this kinda thing.  AND since he's a politician, I figure he's just as big of a crook as the next guy.  Honestly.

Even when he testified in front of a grand jury on Tuesday I thought nothing about it.  Just a lot of drama & political bull s*** that I don't really care about.  At all.  Tuesday afternoon, some of my co-workers started asking me questions.  And I started to hear the words indictments & felonies.  Instantly I was convinced that they were all going to the big house... & I thought it was funny.  

Now-before you judge me, let me explain.  I've seen a LOT of things... I've heard a LOT of things.  I know that he has not done everything on the up & up...he has just never been caught.  I'm just being honest with you here...  Eventually I found out that all of the board members EXCEPT dad was being indicted because he was the one that turned them in.

My favorite question so far has been, "Why did he do that?  She was just trying to make a living."   

Yes, what she allegedly did was illegal.  She was allegedly collecting unemployment & working, then having the checks she was paid made out to her husband so she could continue with the unemployment.  I'm sure there are lots of other people who do the same thing.  Dad can say all day long he was doing what he thought was right, but I don't believe that either.  (Again, I know we all have our stupid family drama & dynamics & none of us grew up the same.  You weren't subjected to the things from him that I was.  You don't know the kind of man he is.  I would appreciate not being judged on this subject.)  I have nothing to do with what he does.  He's a 71 year old, hard headed, mean, old man.  He sure as hell isn't taking orders from me.  What he does has NO bearing on me just as what I do has none on him.  (Can ya tell this is a bitter subject for me?!)

So, when you hear about our little town on the news, please - think of me, cringing at every word...

Jaime Mac musings - I hate Christmas music

No, your eyes did not deceive you - I hate Christmas music.  Truly loathe it...  Now, before you fall out of your chair, decide I'm a demon seed & delete me from your reading list - hear me out, mmmm kay?!

(Then if you wanna do all the above - you can... but ya gotta hear me out first...)

I would love to be able to say, 'Oh, I was abused as a child & during said abuse Christmas music was playing & when I hear it I remember all those bad, horrible times', because that would make ya'll feel REALLY bad for being so mean to me.... but sadly - it's just not true...

There's a method to the madness so hang with me here.  First - I hate how all the holidays are starting to run into each other.  After Christmas we see Valentine's candy,  at Valentine's day we see Easter stuff.  In July we see Halloween decorations & at Halloween the Christmasy stuff starts to come out.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas.  I love getting presents, all the decorations, the snow (LOVE snow) & all the pretty twinkling lights,  I DO.  But dang, can't we get through Thanksgiving FIRST?!  And for those people who are crawled up in the fetal position (ahem, Ginmommy) because time is going by so fast... you'd think you'd like to take a moment to enjoy what is...right NOW....

I don't really have a good reason as to why I don't like Christmas music.  I think it's just kinda dumb.  Listening to every artist who has EVER sang a song record a Christmas album is annoying.  It's all the same exact song recorded by 50 different singers.  I don't get it.  (Faith Hill did a Christmas album & no, I do not own it.)  So when I am forced to listen to hear Christmas music non stop on the radio in the beginning of November it nearly causes me to lose my mind.  I don't LIKE the music ever,  but I can totally stomach it easier AFTER we make it through Turkey Day.  

I'm nothing if not unconventional.  (I mean, how many other 36 year old married women do you know have no children by CHOICE?  Really...)   When I hear Christmas music piped into stores, I feel like it's a subliminal message by retailers & CERTAINLY isn't played to remind us that Jesus was born in a lowly manger on Christmas day.  (Which yes, Marcia, IS the Reason for the season.)  Christmas is so commercialized & everyone gets wrapped up into all the wrong stuff.  They forget that the Reason Christmas  even exists is something so much bigger than any of us. I'm sure if we listened closely (which I don't because my ears start to bleed), they probably don't play songs that mention religion, Jesus, Mary or Joseph.  I mean, God FORBID we be allowed to hear about Jesus in a shopping mall.  Seriously.  

I do enjoy hearing Christmas songs that are sang in Church.  Ya know, like with the big 'ole choir?    I prefer a big 'ole choir over Sting, Rod Stewart, Reba, Faith Hill & Vince Gill singing 'Dashing through the Snow' any day.

Friendship faux pas

Mom's church was doing an event for their women's ministry.  It was named the "Festival of Tables" & ladies from the church each took a table & decorated it.  They invited guests to have an evening of fellowship, dinner & to hear a guest speaker.  Mom was hosting a table & asked if Shauna & I would like to come.  I only agreed after I forced asked her to contact her friend that could tell us what the dinner would be.  I've got my priorities, people... 

 Most of you loyal stalkers know I'm bat shit crazy about the spelling of my name.  I tell people all.the.time that my mother hated me & burdened me with this for my whole entire life (mom LOVES to hear that, by the way).  

With that being said, I usually give people I consider important to me a couple of free passes to misspell it before I start the harassing gentle reminders that I'm special & misspelling my name is a first class ticket to irritate me an important detail that they MUST remember about me.  NO QUESTIONS.  A MUST.

(One of my bosses has spelled it wrong for 10 years.  And while YESSSSS it irritates the crap out of me, I don't really care...because I don't care enough about HIM to make him ask him to spell it right.  See how that works?  If I care about YOU, you must care enough about ME to get that stuff right.)  

And this spelling my name craziness is nothing I am ashamed of hide.  (Have ya'll MET me?)  Anyone who knows a smidgen about me, KNOWS this.

SO-the table festival was last Saturday night.  B-rad had a night off from the farm Friday (Brian & Brady were at a wedding & he couldn't run without someone else there to help him) so he went to Brian's to play video games.  Shauna & I went to dinner & shopping.  We came home... the boys were still playing games.  We sat around for a couple of hours & watched tv...& the boys were still playing games.  Then Shauna wanted to re-arrange some of her kitchen cabinets...  

I was standing by her fridge helping her move stuff around... & something caught my eye on her calendar.... a name.... but not MY name.  She was having dinner...on Saturday (the VERY same day as the festival of tables)...with someone named 'JAMIE'.  Shut.the.front.door.

I commenced to be appalled.  I ran to grab my phone to document this travesty.  As I'm running, she couldn't figure out what the hell was going on.  When she finally realized WHAT I was going to do, she launched herself to the calendar & totally photo bombed me.  What's even funnier is that it was about 1:00 AM... her 4 year old was sleeping 15' away... her dog was barking & attacking her (not me) & we are screaming at each other.  I'm screaming "WE.ARE.LEAVING!" (Of course, the boys weren't paying any attention to us...at ALL...)  She's screaming, "I'M SORRY!" & then tried to say the writing was Brian's & that HE had spelled it wrong.

  I give her an A for effort.

 She attempted to cover up this un-justice, but the damage was already done....

And if you aren't aware of what the title means, a faux pas is: a socially unacceptable error; a tactless deed.  Uhm, yea...  

But even though my friend had committed the most egregious act against me (& she'd already paid for her ticket AND I didn't want to be at the festival alone), we still went to dinner together.  

I've told ya'll - I'm a giver...

Mom's table was decorated with a fall theme.  The dinner was yummy, but by the time they let us eat, they were low on a lot of the food.  And as we waited to eat, other tables got their dessert...of chocolate cake.  By the time we were done eating - the chocolate cake was gone.  Oh, the humanity.  I was NOT a happy camper.  They had men from the church there (even their senior pastor) serving the women.  Mom had asked a friends son to help at our table.  He was a really cute kid & he knew I wasn't happy about no chocolate cake.  At one point, one of the other men put a lone piece of chocolate cake back on the serving tray.  CJ saw it the same time I did... our eyes locked...he knew what he was going to have to do...I mouthed & pointed, "CJ-GET ME THAT CAKE!" & he ran right to it.  Love that kid!

The guest speaker talked about Joy & had a wonderful uplifting message.  I enjoyed listening to her very much.  (But since I am dead inside & don't really do mushy, you can head over to Tracey's blog to read her take on the evening here.) 

 There were place cards on the table to write our names.  I took that as a sign the God was giving me yet another opportunity to shame Shauna just a bit more.  I had her tell mom what she did.  

Mom's response?  "Oh, you didn't...."  

I made asked mom to take our pic & she had the nerve to say to me, "I've never seen someone like to have their picture taken so much."  Listen - when we are THIS pretty it MUST be documented.  Period.

"I just wanna get done"...

Even though I haven't done many farming posts, surely ya'll are smart enough to know that B-rad has been spending every waking minute in the combine.  Like seriously - the boy works 14-16 hours a DAY.  It's maddening.  

He always gets into the 'I just wanna get done' mode when he's planting, side dressing & then combining.  So when I say, "Hey-can we do this?" or "Hey, can you help me with this?" the answer is always the same, "I GOTTA RUN."  To which I reply, "Is it REALLY going to kill you to take a couple hours off?"  

The answer...

"I JUST WANNA GET DONE."  

Aaaaand there it is...

13 years...you'd think one day I'd learn...

So anywho this year we knew they were going to finish early (usually they are done around Thanksgiving & it's not uncommon for B-rad to eat a gluttonous turkey lunch & 'go run the combine' after) because there wasn't much grain out there to be had so they could drive super fast.  (UHM, like 5 miles an hour rather than 3...  Told ya it was maddening...)  

I took him lunch on Saturday & he was in the next to last field before being done.   I stayed to ride around with him for a couple of hours because I was bored it was too nice of a day to be cooped up inside my house.  

This is what I got to look at for 2 hours.  I can't believe B-rad does it for hours, days, weeks & months on end.  I would be even more crazy.  This year there is even more urgency to 'get done' because we are going to have to file a claim with our insurance & we can't do that until all the weight tickets are in & they know exactly what we didn't have.

 In keeping with the 'I just wanna get done' theme, they unload the combine 'on the go'.  See the red thing on the left?  That's the auger that unloads the corn from the combine. (I'm sitting inside the cab of the combine looking out.)  Our 16 year old nephew, Brady's, job this year was to drive the tractor with the grain cart beside him... (Isn't he like way too little to be doing that stuff?  He was just like 5 the other day....)

B-rad turns the auger on & they drive down the field whilst unloading corn AND still running the combine at the same time.   Seriously.

It sounds simple enough, but it's not.  It's a delicate little dance they do to make sure:

a) That they don't hit each other.

b) That they don't lose any corn by one of them going faster or slower than the other one.

c) B-rad doesn't run over or miss any corn still standing.

d) Brady doesn't run over any corn still standing.

You can see in this pic just how close they are... this crap makes me nervous...

 B-rad did get done Saturday night.  YAY!  This is always a happy time in our house.  And while you might think the work is done & B-rad can rest & be a normal human again - think again.  They had to move all the equipment home Sunday & they cleaned it up.  There is ALWAYS something that can be done on the farm.   (But in the spirit of full disclosure, if the weather gets too bad to work outside, it's not uncommon to find B-rad asleep at home in his chair.  Like forever....) PLUS eventually the grain we were able to harvest needs to be taken in & sold.  Maybe he can cut back to 10-12 hour days instead?  Lucky guy...

Jaime Mac musings - we're about to get REAL personal

Stalkers I'm sure the title has you wondering to yourself, "Really?  Like she already doesn't tell us too much?"   Sigh... I know, I know... I apologize in advance to my male readers (B-rad & Daniel) because we're going to discuss PMS.  You know, the crazy shit that happens to you before you start your period?  (Dear GOD I hope this is not just me....) But trust me, stalkers, I NEED your help...the people I come in contact with daily NEED your help...

Ok-so we all know how whacky I am about NOT wanting to have children, so surely it's no surprise to you that I am on 'the pill'.  (You know, the best pill on the face of the Earth...)  Because of this, I am like, ahem, 'clockwork'....  But not only do I know when to expect THAT, I know when my PMS symptoms will start.  

Generally, 2 weeks before my actual start date I have symptoms.  Most the time I don't even remember what hell my life is soon to become until it just happens.  Like, I can FEEL myself feeling mean.  Isn't that weird?  Like normally I have a happy temperament (of course I can be stern all the time...duh...), but I totally consider myself a 'glass half full' kinda chick.  Something will happen & I can FEEL myself having an adverse reaction... & then I wonder, "What the HELL is wrong with me?"  And the next time I take one of my magic pills I see that I have 2 weeks left & then a light bulb goes off in my head.  A-HA.  THAT'S why I'm extra crazy....

Most the time, I feel more mean.  I know that sounds horrible, but it's TRUE.  I get way more sarcastic & my temper gets WAY shorter (& it's pretty short to begin with).  I can just feel tension in my chest.  SIGH.  It doesn't last the WHOLE 2 weeks, but it's usually extra mean for one full week, then the next week I kind of have good days & bad  days (with lots of fun mood swings ALL.DAY.LONG) & then WHAM, it's over & we start the countdown over again...

However, this month - it was sadness.  Like serious 'I wanna sit in my house all day in my pajamas & cry' sadness.  I'm a freaking basket case. I honestly thought at the beginning of last week I was losing my damn mind.  I don't know if it's the weather being gloomy or what.  I replay conversations over & over & OVER in my head & question what they said or what I said or why I didn't say 'x,y & z'.  My mind would NOT stop running so I had a LOT of trouble sleeping (which you guys know how much I love THAT) & then no sleep causes me to be more sad.  HOT MESS I tell ya.   I would MUCH rather be more mean than sad.  That's more enjoyable for me...

So-here's where ya'll come in.  I totally get it's my hormones & all that nonsense but I want to know if there's some kind of vitamin or herb I can take to help with that? (And don't be stupid & suggest I not take the magic pill anymore.  That's just crazy talk.)  

Anybody else have this problem?  Or had an experience like this in the past?  Any suggestions on what I can do to fix it?   And if you aren't as shameless as me & don't want to post a comment for God & everybody, PLEASE email me:  jaimemcafeee@hotmail.com.  (Yes, I am THAT serious!  I don't have my yearly exam until January but if ya'll don't fix me - I'm asking my Gyno about it.)

Anyone have a padded room with no sharp objects they'll let me live in for like a week & a half every month?   I can totally get you the schedule MONTHS in advance...   

Halloween is not suppose to involve baseball.

The Groves' costume par-tay was last Saturday night.  I went kicking & screaming like a good little girl in costume.  Sigh.  (I think I hate thinking up ideas for costumes is my problem.  I'm not creative at ALL.)

B-rad & I were renaissancey people.  You know, he was a knight & I was a lady in waiting.  I also LOVED my purple dress.  NOOOOO, I did NOT plan that.  It was just a happy, happy coincidence.  I promise.  

I didn't want any props to carry around this year either.  I can't be bothered with carrying that crap around.  B-rad had a sword & Brian made him a shield.  

(And yes, Brian is stupid talented in the drawing/painting department...)

This is the 3rd year we've coordinated our costumes with Brian & Shauna.  We did not get a pic of all of us together this year.  FAIL.  I suppose that's a sign of a bad blogger fun night.

B-rad &  Brian loved their props because that meant they could spontaneously break into sword fights throughout the night.  Awesome.

Butterfly & Rhonda came as white trash.  And when I tell you it was one of the funniest things I have ever seen, I am not kidding.

I was laughing so hard I could barely stop for this pic.  

 True to his name, Butterfly stayed in character all night to attract attention stay authentic.  He was talking to people & holding that cigarette & would put it to his mouth like he was taking a drag.  It was hilarious.

Rhonda had a black eye, fake boobs, wig & house slippers.  When she got to the party, she was wearing sunglasses - you know - to cover that black eye.

 B-rad & I are very lucky in the respect that many of our friends' friends have let us infiltrate their inner circles.  Of course, Daniel & Alicia always welcome us with open arms (I choose to believe NOT just because they're cousins!) & their friends & extended family have welcomed us as well.  Even when I go to things alone because B-rad can't, they always make me feel welcome.  Always.  

Even my new stalker friends from in 'town' (JLL, Tracey & Gretchen) have welcomed me into their homes for jewelry shows & I enjoy when I'm able to get together with them.  We have a movie date coming up soon! (We're going to have to keep the tradition going after this last movie.  Tear.)

I have found that it is difficult for us to have true 'friends'.  Let me explain why I say that...B-rad has a very un-common career in farming & it is nearly impossible for us to make plans.  We have had a lot of friends fall to the wayside because we can't just 'go to the movies' or 'go out to eat', etc. on a whim.  And you can almost forget seeing us (together) if it's in the months of April-June or September-November.  Now, if it happens to rain or something & you're free on a moments notice - we're all yours.  

B-rad has responsibilities that I just don't think people can fathom.  If he doesn't do it, no one else is going to do it for him...  (Sigh...I'm sorry, PMS is KILLING ME.)  The last few years I have started doing things alone when B-rad can't join me.  It's never fun to go solo, but I'm a spunky gal  - I manage.
(And if you're wondering how we made it to this par-tay in the middle of harvest...B-rad has to plan for this. He tells his brother, Brian, that he will be leaving so he is aware & then we're usually late because B-rad works right up until the last minute.  Welcome to our life...)

So ANYWAY.  Brian & Shauna friends & family are no exception.  We have hung out with some of them on several occasions & it's like we've all been friends for years.   B-rad met a lot of Brian's friends from the motorcycle gang & I just love Shauna's bff, Jessica.   (And in case you're wondering or forgotten - Butterfly was in the motorcycle gang before B-rad & that's how he knows Brian & Shauna.  But since I like to feel like I bring something to the table - I am choosing to claim him now & say he still comes because of me.  So there...)

Are you wondering where baseball comes into this?  Ya'll know I have no shame & tell you everything stupid that happens to me.  This will be no exception... (I think I get 10 extra readers JUST because I have catchy titles.  Hi stalkers I don't know!)

So I had been drinking... & I drank more than my normal "once I get a buzz I stop".  I did not, however, drink so much that I entered into the "oh my Gawd, I'm gonna DIE" phase.  It's a fine line - but I walk it like a pro.  

Brian's sister, Tricia, had went with Shauna & I to see Magic Mike this summer.  She's fun & I really like her.  She brought her hubby with her to the par-tay & we were all out by the fire really late after everyone had left.  I do love sitting around a campfire...  Everyone was sitting except for Tricia's hubby, Trevor.  He is also hilarious & treated me like he'd known me for years....

The fire was popping & embers were flying, but EH who cares about that when you're drinking?  Certainly NOT ME.  Apparently I had some embers land on me that weren't your normal tiny variety that just burned out.  So Tricia starts saying, "Oh Jaime - they're on your dress!  They're on your dress!!!!"  And I was like, "OK - whatever..."  I didn't see them...uhm...because they were in an area of my dress that was blocked from my vision by my BOOB.  So I was all like, "ok...whatever Tricia...."   Suddenly Trevor lunges at me & starts patting me down... on my boob.  And normally I'm not so quick in situations like this but alcohol gave me extra sarcasm because while he stood there patting my boob I just watched & said, "Wow, Trevor, Thanks.  That's the most action I've had ALL NIGHT."   EPIC, people... Epic...  

And THAT is my funny story to tell of the evening of how Trevor got to 2nd base...

 It sure was nice meeting & getting to know him...

We got home super late that night & I just took off my costume that reeked of smoke & threw it on the floor.  When I picked it up the next day,  I noticed 2 holes in my dress...  Turns out, Trevor saved me from a fiery death AND felt me up.  Win, win...
I had planned to wear that dress everyday for the rest of my life because I got so many compliments on how nice I looked.  Sigh.  Stupid embers...