Killer instinct or just a new playmate?

When we come in at night, the faithful & loyal steeds like to come in with us, walk around the house for a few minutes & then they go right back outside. Last night was no exception. I went to jazzercise, ran over to Lora's for her & Erin to look at my jewelry, then ran to my friends Katrina's, then home. It was around 9:30. B-rad wasn't home from the field yet. No biggie. I deal with that all the time.

The cats were in the house & I heard strange noises. And when I looked at them-they were acting funny. Then it hit me. THEY HAVE A MOUSE! E-gads!

Here's the thing. Sparky has all his claws. He was a stray that I fed (I'm an animal lover - ok, scratch that - I'm a furry, domesticated animal kinda lover!). I took him to have him neutered (I am also a responsible furry, domesticated animal lover). Sparky is my hethen cat. He's very jumpy & active. He has also been know to kill small woodland creatures & bring them up to the landscaping for my viewing pleasure. When Sonny wondered up to casa de McAfee, he didn't have any front claws plus he had been neutered. Obviously someone had him for their pet & they dumped in. Sons of b******! So I feed him too & take him to the vet, etc, etc. He does live outside with Sparky-don't judge me. I figure that he doesn't need his front claws because I feed him so he doesn't have to catch his own food. PLUS we have plenty of places for them to run & hide if other, bigger woodland creatures decide to attack. I mean, for goodness sakes, I made B-rad put a gate on the steps to the front porch so dogs & other things couldn't get on the porch to get them. Like I said - furry, domesticated animal lover.

Sonny is my good kitty. He's very passive & quiet & doesn't cause trouble. When they come in the house when it's really cold outside, Sonny is perfectly happy laying with me on the couch & napping for hours & hours. Sparky is at the back door scratching & meowing to get outta the house....

Ok-so they have a mouse. And I fuh-reaked out! I ran outside to call B-rad. His cell went right to voicemail! Curses! So I called Lora to see if Derik & Brady could come get it out of the house. Their phone was busy! Double curses!!! So I texted B-rad, 'CALL ME!'

Please notice the front door in the pic. Like I said - I WAS OUTSIDE!

B-rad finally called & in my whiniest, most chickenest voice I said, "B-rad, when are you coming home? Sparky has a mouse in the house!!!!" He had just left the field in another freakin' county so it would take him about 30 minutes to get home. Greaaaat.

So I decided to make the best of a bad situation. Since I was being held hostage outside of my own home, I ran in, grabbed the computer & ran right back outside. Might as well get some work done, right?!I am a bad kitty mommy because I can't tell them apart until I'm looking very closely. They are both solid black. They do have some different features but I can't recognize them until I'm up close. And since they had a mouse I wasn't getting anywhere near them! I just figured it was Sparky because like I said, he's my hethen cat. That's what hethen cats do. So I'm outside talking to who I think is Sonny. I'm telling him how bad of a kitty his brother Sparky is. Then I'm yelling into the house, "Sparky - you are a bad boy!". UHM, then I looked down at the cat. And realized it wasn't Sonny. It was Sparky. (Insert scary movie music where the person you thought was the killer isn't really the killer but is about to be killed. BUM BUM BUUUUUUMMMMM!) Sparky was outside with me! Gulp.

I tried to coax Sparky into the house to back up Sonny & kill that stupid mouse. And yes, I actually said the words, "Sparky- go back in there & help Sonny!" He wasn't having any part of that....

Finally, the calvary arrived! Sonny had injured the mouse pretty good. He wasn't moving real quick when I was in the house for the 5 seconds I saw him. I knew the mouse wouldn't be able to get around too quickly. When Sonny had finshed 'playing' with him-he stood at the front door meowing at me to come outside. I told him, "NO!"

So B-rad came in & after he picked himself off the floor from laughing at me, he started to look for the mouse. I knew Sonny had shuffled him into the office. And ya just have to know our office to appreciate this. It's not the cleanest room in the world. It could also be referred to as 'the room to store all the crap that we have that no one (B-rad) will get rid of...) There's xbox's & playstations on the floor along with the games. Not the easiest environment to seek out a small, brown mouse. I got all brave & went inside to help B-rad find him. We looked & looked (me from a safe distance in the doorway, B-rad actually moving stuff around...) & then I saw it!!!! So I screamed, "There it is!!" & hauled ass out the door all the while screaming, "He's beside your video gaaaaaaaaame....".

And Sonny hadn't quite done the mouse in yet, so B-rad took care of that. Gag. Again, while I'm screaming from outside, "Do you have it? Is it dead?!"

When B-rad comes carrying out the mouse I screamed & jumped up & down. I said, "I wanna take your picture!" - but I was jumping up & down! So B-rad said, "Quit that stupid jumping & take the pic!" See how he's laughing at me?! Thank God we have no neighbors...what they would think...?

I hate it when I don't have anything to blog about...

So it's been a few days since you have heard from me. Alas, I left you hangin' with B-rad's bloody face - sorry about that!

You can just assume that from now until... uhm, perhaps mid-November B-rad will be combining. That's all...just combining. I on the other hand, well I'm just a rolling stone people. I gots things to do, places to go & people to see!!!

Saturday was not one of those days, however. I got to stay home all.day.long & watch.dvr'd.shows. Bliss! Absolute bliss! I did have to take B-rad lunch at the barn, but the bean dust was flying & I was still recovering from my bronchial blockage so I told him, "I gotta go! I shouldn't be breathing in all this dust."

Sunday I had a jewelry show in Pleasureville, KY. I was really trying to get away from that area because it takes an hour & a half to get there & the shows weren't good at all. Now, I know it's not all about the moo-lah I make blah, blah, blah, but it was actually costing moo-lah to do those shows. PLUS I was doing them during the week after work & not getting home until late. (And we all are painfully aware of how I feel about getting home late & having a lack of sleep!) Then I had an epiphany (& every weekend wasn't taken up with 'going to the lake every single second of every single weekend') & I decided I could do those shows on Saturdays or Sundays. Genius of me & it worked out quite nicely. Bad thing was I left the house around 12:30 & didn't get home until around 8:00. Sigh... However I wouldn't have been doing anything else except laying around & watching tv. And I had watched all my dvr'd shows Saturday! Score!

I have been working super hard to get more jewelry shows on my calendar because my goal this year is to pay cold, hard CASH for Christmas. I (we) have a bad habit of spending beyond my (our) means when I (we) swipe that little plastic card that has no limit. So I've decided that this year if there's $500 bucks in the jewelry account, that's all I have to spend on Christmas. Period. Exclamation point. Now we'll see if I can go through with it.

B-rad's face is healing really nicely. The bloodiness inside his eye got WAY worse though. The blood was from the corner of his eye & went all the way to his color. Barf-o-rama. He did send me a text last week entitled 're-enactment'. At least he has a sense of humor! There's lotsa drama going on with B-rad too. That's another reason I'm trying to stick to my guns & pay for Christmas with cash. He's extremely unhappy at his job. It's a long story that none of you care about, but his dream is to stay home & farm full time. (Sounds like a nightmare to me, but whatever.) He's sick of working himself to death & I don't blame him for that. They'd be able to get the crops planted & harvested faster & that's always a good thing. Bad news is is that my salary just won't make the cut for all our bills. Brian & B-rad have discussed him staying home & farming & collecting a salary. But we haven't worked out all the details yet. It's getting really bad at B-rad's work though & there have been questions of 'how much money will you need to get by' until we work everything out? Ahhhh, flying by the seat of our pants... I hate that...

In other boring news, my Explorer hit a big milestone this week:

The weekend coming up is an important one! Erin's getting married! Yay! I'm going over tonight to let her & Lora browse through my 9 zillion pieces of jewelry to see if there's anything they wanna wear for the rehearsal dinner & for Lora to maybe wear during the wedding. I really enjoy letting other people borrow my jewels. It makes me feel all warm & fuzzy inside - like I'm helping in some way. Silly, I know - but I do love the attention!

Tomorrow night after jazzercise I have to run 'in town' to get B-rad a shirt for the wedding. I bought him one but it was HUGE on him. Turns out I didn't check the tag inside, just the size on the hanger, so I got it one size too big. Oopsie! Then I have to close my jewelry show from Sunday & THEN I'm painting my nails. Oh yea-I'm goin' ALL OUT for Miss Erin. I don't EVER paint my fingernails. But I'm pretty pumped because I'm painting them black. It's very in-haven't you heard?

Friday is the rehearsal & dinner & I was sad because I didn't think there was any way I was going to be included. But my favorite niece was able to find a backdoor way to get me in! They only have 1 hour at the venue for the rehearsal so the lady told them they should have someone who isn't in the wedding party there to put the rose petals on the table! ME!!!! ME!!!!! I told Erin to have a prototype done before I get there so I can see how she wants it done! Hopefully I won't screw it up! (Fingers crossed! But if you come to the wedding & make any sort of snide remark about how silly the rose petals look - be prepared to have them shoved down your throat.... just sayin'....)

Saturday is big for 2 reasons: Erin's wedding that night & I have a birthday par-tay for a very special kiddo. THEN, Alicia says I can stay & take a nap with them before I have to go to the wedding! (I just LOVE her!) I will be at the venue early to help watch the girls so Erin & Lora can do their thing without having to worry about Payton & Madelyn. Best birth control in.the.world: chasing a 26 month old & 10 month old!

Chicks dig scars - right?

**WARNING!**

This blog post features real images of blood & guts & stuff. So if you are squeamish-close your eyes when you get to them!

Last night I had a jewelry show way out in the East end of Louisville. And of course I always have my phone on silent. Usually after I'm done with my presentation, I grab the phone outta my pocket to be sure I have no urgent messages or texts.

When I took out my phone last night, it was lit up like a Christmas tree. I had missed calls & voice mails & texts.

B-rad had texted me a picture. Of his face. With the message, "Should I have this looked at?!"For all that is good & holy - what the hell did he do to his face?! His text had come about an hour before I checked my phone. Gulp. I called him & asked what had happened. It was dark & he ran into a [dirty, disgusting, tetanus ridden] metal pole sticking outta the back of his truck.
So I go into full panic mode. "I'm on my way home-we are taking you to the ER!" To which he responds, "Nah, I'm running the combine." "Uh-B-rad, you probably need stitches & they probably won't give them to you because it's been 2 hours since you did it! Plus you might need a tetanus shot!" "Oh, it's fine - I cleaned it out with iodine." God.help.me.

So I offered to stop on the way home to at least get some butterfly stitches & neosporin. "Nah, I don't really need that." (Yea, who needs a open, gaping wound closed up when they work in a metal shop for a living and then come home & work in a dry, dusty field with no germs or dirt whatsoever?!) Sigh....

I got home around 10:30 & apparently he had not been home for too long. It did look much better than the first pic he sent me. His eye-lid gash is fairly thin, but his eye-ball is nasss-ty! In the corner it is SUPER red & bloody looking. I'm sure he'll have a black eye!

I will be telling everyone he refused to take out the garbage so I showed him who's boss. That'll teach him...

No good can come from me being nice

So B-rad emails me a pic today with the caption, "new blog pic." Uhm, it was beans. And not beans at our house. So I politely replied back, "thanks but no thanks. I like the blog pic to be taken at our house."

Then I get a text that said "you've only had pics of corn this year. You just don't wanna use it because you didn't take it" Ahhh, he knows me so well... So I sent back, "True. I like the pics at the house. Plus my camera is better. Nanny nanny boo boo."

Then we got into a texting war. I do love me a good fight via text or facebook. He told me, "Use it dang it! It says the farming mcafeeS not the farming mcafee." Then he threatened to log in & rumage around & screw stuff up to make it the pic at the top. That's where I draw the line! (Plus my doctor called in a prescription for a z pack for me (YAY!) & I need B-rad to pick it up on his way home. Curses - he has leverage!)

So I relented. And decided that yes, he is correct. It says the "Farming McAfeeSSSSSSS" (that will be changed asap...) & since he is technically the farmer McAfee (details, schmetails) I should let him have a say of what goes up on the blog. Sigh....it's hard giving up control....

But did ya notice what happened? The stupid pic is upside down. I don't know why. I don't know how. It pulls up on my computer right side up but after I upload it - it's upside down. So there - there you have it. The pic the farmer just HAD to have is upside down. Hmph.

Please don't be alarmed, I will leave it up for a couple of days to appease him then I will get us back to regularly scheduled programming. Apologies to all MY loyal blog stalkers...

Errand bi-otch

When B-rad came in from combining last night - he informed me that he needed me to go to Bark's Welding Supply today to get a new tank of gas stuff for them to use when they weld. And me, being the dutiful, loyal & always happy to serve wife, I said - "uhm, ok - but I'm going to make a stop at Town Square Gallery then!" (It's near Barks - more on that later...)

THEN he says, "And Brian needs you to go to Napa & pick up some filters & other stuff too..." To that I responded, "What am I? Your alls errand bitch?!"

This morning I had to drive down to the back of our field to find out from Brian what all he needed me to get. He had already put the parts in B-rad's truck & then he was rambling about oil filters & oil, antifreeze, semi mirrors & a sensor - oh my! Uhm, my brain's only so big people. I knew I'd never remember all that stuff! So I said, "Did you write all this down?!" And he said, "Yep. The list is in Brad's truck." Ahhhh, perfect! B-rad had put the old welding tank gas thingie in the back of his truck. And this is why I love my hubby. He knows I'm not real cautious of things inside the vehicle when I'm driving. My groceries end up falling outta the trunk when I open my tailgate everytime! So he strapped the tank to a pallet AND he had the pallet strapped to the bed of the truck.
The mirror brackets were also in the truck.

Along with my shopping list.

My first stop was Uhl's truck sales right in Palmyra. I got the 2 mirror brackets & the low-air sensor control. Success! On to stop #2.

Stop #2 was in Corydon at the Napa Auto Parts store. On my way to this stop, I got a call from Brian informing me that there were also going to be bulbs, spark plugs & some chemical thingie setting out for me to get along with the filters on my list.

And I don't belong in places like this. They know it. I know it. I don't have a penis - plus I'm wearing deodorant & jewelry. Just sayin'.

But I did like these pretty flourescent colored extension cords!

Stop #3 was all.about.me! Town Square Gallery is a little shop in downtown Cordyon that has all kinds of cutsie stuff. I am on the prowl for a cute clutch wallet thingie & thought for sure they would have one. Nope, no luck. But look at this wall of Vera Bradley purses & bags. Can you say heaven?!

Stop #4 was going to be my favorite. It was Barks Welding supply. It's a place that sells you the gas tank thingies for welding stuff in the middle of a stinky pig farm. There's no rhyme or reason to anything. Nothing's marked - I had no clue where to park - no clue where to go once I did park. Times like this is when having a penis would really come in handy...

They had small gas explodable tank thingies...

And big explodable gas tank thingies...

This guy was super nice. I think he smelled my fear. He just talked & talked to me.

After I left Bark's, I got another call from Brian, "Stop at John Deere (impromptu stop #5) & get 2 yokes. They have them sitting out for you." Sigh. This one was tough. I work at a Case dealership. It's like oil & water - the bloods & the crips - they just don't mix.

Alas, we are equal opportunity farmers so we have a little bit of everything at our farm. But this store looked like the Grinch threw up in it. Sheesh!

On my way to stop #6, I passed the now infamous Harrison County Jail. Perhaps you've heard of it?! All I can say is don't get locked up in Harrison County. You may not make it out un-scathed, un-scarred or un-dead...

Stop #6 is the true bane of my existence. Dum dum dummmm- WAL-MART! I hate Wal-mart. I am on strike from Wal-mart. I only go there if I have no other choice. But Brian told me to go there to get the oil & the antifreeze.

I needed 12 gallons of oil & 12 gallons of antifreeze. They only had 4 gallons of oil so I called Brian to see what he wanted me to do. He told me to go to O'Reilly parts to get them. Sigh - just added stop #7...

So I was all happy with myself because I had won the war against Wal-mart. I was going to make it outta there without spending any money. Take that, Sam Walton! But, uhm, er - I was walking towards the door. And decided to cut through the aisles to go to the purse area to find a clutch wallet thingie. And I accidentally passed the bedding. And they had a complete queen comforter set for $49 - & it.was.purple. So I placed it in my cart. Then I decided that my bedroom curtains I've had for 4 years would never match such a lovely shade of purple. So I had to find curtains. And then I had to think about the rug on the floor. It was bright & floraly. This would never match the curtains & comforter. So I had to buy a rug. God help me. I hate Wal-mart....

By this time, I was tired & completely disgusted with myself. Curses to Wal-mart. I had no will to take pics at stop #7 - O'Reilly Auto Parts. Once again, an establishment I didn't belong in. The dude that waited on me was also really nice - probably because we spent $320 on oil & antifreeze...but I was able to use my charms of deodorant & jewelry (& no penis) to get him to carry the 5 cases out to the truck for me...

Harvest makes me sick

I had official jewelry business last night & got home around 9:45. Of course, B-rad was in the field combining. I was just getting ready to get on my pj's & climb into bed when the phone rang. It was B-rad. Sigh....

He needed me to ride back to the barn with him in the semi to drive his truck home. His motorcycle was also there & we all know that I can't/he would never let me drive that.

THEN he tells me that, "oh, we have to weigh the semi first. Then I have to get something outta my truck before you can leave." Double sigh...

And weighing the truck is not a fast task. It basically works like a humungo scale at the doctors office. There are weights hanging from the scale there on the right. Then he moves that little silver slider thingie in the middle until it balances. A semi full of grain can weigh 78,000 lbs plus.
I don't know how it works for sure, I just know I heard him mumbling a lotta numbers. After he weighs it, then he has to do some Einstein crazy math formula to figure out how many bushels of grain are in the truck. And Einstein crazy math formulas require much concentration. Of course, B-rad has his fancy schmancy yield monitor in the combine that tells him at the mere touch of a button what yields he's getting, moisture levels, etc. But it never hurts to double check the numbers. They weigh the trucks so we have a record of what we actually harvested. They can then use those records for crop insurance (yes, we have insurance on our crops...) if needed. Brian also uses the weight receipts to know how much we have so he can contract it to be sold.

Selling grain is not just about bushels. It's also about test weight. We contract our grain based on bushels, but they also check the test weight to make sure it's not too moist. Obviously thats not been a problem this year. Normally moisture levels are around 15%. When B-rad started harvest Monday, the moisture was 13%. In 2 days it went down to 10%. This little scale is not for drugs people.... it's to weigh out a sample of corn... Then they put it in this wacky machine to read the moisture level. Here's why it being so dry is bad for farmers (I joke by saying a farmer is never happy. It's either too wet, too dry, too hot, too cold...we're like Goldilocks!) : when the moisture is really low it makes the test weight low which means you don't make as much money. Think about it. Damp clothes weigh more than dry clothes right? Same concept. We just have to be sure that the grain is not too moist when we sell it or they dock us money for that too. Eh, it's always somethin'.

Also, the fields are SO dry that fires can start & spread in an instant. B-rad brought over another tractor with a disc on it just in case a fire should start. If the combine or field caught fire, he could run the disc & till up the ground to try & stop a fire. The corn stalks & corn that's still standing would be perfect kindling for a fire.

Perhaps the most important reason being dry is bad - is because I'm so freakin' allergic to everything that B-rad stirring up 10 tons of dust all around my humble abode has caused me to have drainage in my head that has now settled all comfy & warm in my chest. This in turn makes it hard for me to breath AND I get to cough a lot. I'm a lucky, lucky girl...

Don't cry over spilled corn

The boys started harvesting yesterday at our house. While B-rad was out in the combine running back & forth through the field - over & over & over again - I was at home. On the couch. Watching tv. In my pajamas.

Around 9:15 I got a phone call from Brian. He asked me if I could come to the top of the hill in my car & sit in the road with my flashers on. Brady had spilled some corn & he wanted me to not let anyone drive through it. Mmmmmm k?!

(Side note-for the past couple of years Brady's really been helping the boys on the farm. During harvest he drives the grain cart & when it gets full he loads it into the semi.... hence-the spilled corn....) So I jumped into my car with only my super cool iPhone & off we went to the top of the hill to babysit the corn pile. I had every intention of sitting quietly in my car playing solitaire on my phone. And then it dawned on me - pssssh! Blogging moment!

I figured, 'hey, it's 9:30, no one will come driving down the road & cause me to have to direct traffic!' Wrong! Another combine came blaring down the road behind me. So I had to tell him that there was corn in the road & for him not to drive his tire through it - to just drive OVER it. So then I pulled off the road into the field so he didn't run over me. God Bless my 4 wheel drive...And I knew Brady would be in trouble. Here's my philosophy - s*** happens. B-rad & Brian BOTH have spilled corn, beans, whatever, before. Alas, Brady is only 14 & they are older (& of course) wiser so I just KNEW he got yelled at. When Brian & Brady came back up with the shovels, I was trying to tease Brady to gauge just how MUCH he got yelled at. So I said, 'Way to go Brady - spill all the corn...' And he didn't even look up at me. He didn't even acknowledge I had spoken. Ruh roh, it was a bad yelling....
Being the soft hearted kinda gal I am, I went over to him (when Brian wasn't looking of course) & said, "Brady - it's ok. It was an accident. It's not like either of THEM have ever spilled anything!"


B-rad drove the combine up to where we were so they could fill their scoop shovels with corn & throw them into the combine.

You'll have to forgive the quality of pictures. I took them with my super cool iPhone. While it is an electronic marvel - the camera quality doesn't stand a chance against my fancy schmancy camera.... (or even a point & click...)Brady started scooping & throwing while Brian had the broom sweeping it into a pile. B-rad got outta the combine to help Brady scoop & throw. He told him, "Geez, Brady - next time you spill corn like this-we're going to make you go back to the OLD CRAPPY grain cart!" Brady just smiled & said, "Nu uh - NO WAY!"Brian had also brought Cole with him. While Brian, Brady & B-rad (sheesh, say that 10 times fast!) were busy scooping shovels of corn into the combine - he was busy playing games on his iPod....

I was busy as well documenting the event with pictures. However, when the corn pile got low, I did put my super cool iPhone back in the car (which was tough for me to do...but I had no pockets in my pajama pants.) & pick up that broom & help sweep. Hellooooo? I'm a giver... I can't help it no one got pics of me...

I've decided it's fall ya'll

Although the calendar says it's technically still summer - I don't accept that. I have my own system of judging when fall is upon us. I judge fall by what it looks like around my house.

When the corn stalks turn a lovely shade of deadish brown...
the yellow money maker...

Getting ready to let my black kitties in the house on Halloween...

The television (& all my friends facebook statuses) are consumed with football... Sigh...sometimes I wish I understood football...

Cool mornings & cool evenings...perfect for chili (that I don't make) & potato soup (which I CAN make...yum!)

Bright blue skies... And perhaps most importantly - the impending doom of harvest season.... dum dum duuuuummmmmm....